I am very unhappy with the size that I have become and maintained for so many years. Recently, I have been watching, "My 600 lb. Life" and it has become somewhat inspirational for me. I am so afraid that I can not or should I say, more likely, "will not" stick with my "determination" to get a grip and truly stop this out of control eating that I do. I know that I am literally killing myself and I keep promising myself that I will take responsibility and stop this suicide by gluttony but I just can't seem to stop. Last night while watching one of the saddest episodes that I have ever seen on that show, for the first time, I cried while watching it as two beautiful twin girls where killing themselves by eating more than should even be possible. They were so young, under 30, and had their whole lives ahead of them but were prisoners trapped in their own bodies. Things were going so well for them until the one twin, who was suffering from a weak heart, was finally given the okay to have her surgery and then the unthinkable happened, she coded, 2 days post op. Much to every ones horror, she was actually found blue and unresponsive without a heartbeat and rushed to ICU; they did get her heart beating again but were unsure if she sustained brain damage or not. Thank God, the young girl made it through(apparently, due to a wonderful medical team)and because it just wasn't her time to leave this world.
I have never had an episode affect me as much as that one did. I really hope that it was what I needed to get myself in the mindset to lose this weight and start a healthy lifestyle.
My children are grown but I have grandchildren and I want to live to see them all grown up and lead wonderful lives of their own.
That is why I have joined this site today and hope that I can find others who can support my efforts to better my life and lose this weight that is definitely killing me.
Thanks for letting me get this off of my mind.
My journey has officially begun.