philanddeb's Journal

philanddeb's Profile |Send a Message | Weight History

showing entries 6 to 10 of 72

Page: Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... Next

15 January 2013

Journalism. How sweet thy name. BIG RANT! YOU MIGHT AS WELL TURN AWAY NOW AND LOOK AT SOMETHING ELSE! Work has consumed me. I have been in the threshold of a hostile work environment.

I drove an hour to work today to arrive 1/2 hour early to find that my co-worker in management tells me that I have to meet in the office with the co-director. My heart sunk. The main director has already beheaded 3 others in the past week based on interesting views of their performance. She is now on vacation for the week, leaving her co-director in charge of be-heading me.

I didn't perform well according to the computer on one evening when I supposedly had enough help to handle the job. The computer said I "dipped" in my engagement of people at 11:30 pm. The camera is said to show that everyone was gathered around me at that time when customers were ready to pay for their goods...but where were we? Interestingly we were right where we could see everyone around, but the computer says we ignored customers who wanted to be checked out.

Wow! New computers, new calibration set against last year's intake and what can I say? I think we were doing a good job. We were in a huddle at my station and talking about what more we can do to get good customer comments...and look! The computer and my boss says they saw that we were not doing the right thing!

Five days off suspension and a demotion. They took my keys from me! And this is an ON FIRE SISTER FOR THE CAUSE! I have walked those floors, looking for anything we might be doing wrong and corrected it! I work with CU-RAZY customers who think we owe them something when we don't and turn them around and bring them back to my store!

The thing is this. I work for a woman who doesn't seem to get that I'm behind her. She has always taken my male co-managers in for the highlights, leaving me out. She has done some wild things including asking for her back to be massaged by ME! I said, I'm not comfortable with that with apologies and that may be when all this began...but I was told by what I consider to be reliable sources that she wanted me out before we met on her fresh new day at my store.

It's been a year of getting the bad shifts. I don't know what's worse, having a job that you hate because the members you work with value you but the boss hates you, or root canal!!!!!

I'm on fire for working well at my job! (And I swore to the guy who wrote me up and took away my management keys and earnings) That if I returned to my store (which I predict I will not because my boss hates me) I'd still be on fire and do the most I could possibly expect and beyond.

I suppose I could rely on the victim card. "Oh I had a problem with my arm or my leg or whatever so I didn't go as fast as I could." But for heaven's sake! I did really well! My colleagues completely love me to bits and I them! But I'm not a boy, I suppose I'm not the right race (although nobody really knows what my race is but me.) and I suppose my age too might have been a factor.

Before this all happened today, I had a client named Neil who said,"If you were running things in real life, things would be a lot smoother."

He wrote a letter to my boss who hates me, to that effect which will now arrive too late.

My boss has a brother in my union. My boss WAS lover to a district manager in my organization and I'm told is "besties" with the next supervisors up and the district management. I simply can't win in this. The desire to just do a good job for a greater good doesn't seem to register with her.

Four days ago, I was called in for my review which has always been 4 stars. She gave me 2.83 and screamed down my face after every question she asked me. She never even gave me a chance to speak.

There are so many other factions of this account I could quote, but I rant, and forgive me when I say it, I huddled with members who worked in the back of my store..."I don't know why she has this personal vendetta against you...but you've done a good job and she's blaming you for what the night crew leader leaves behind. We love you."

When I asked him if he'd stand up for me he said this, "I honestly hate dealing with her. I gave my 2 week notice and then changed my mind and stayed on. She was all over me and now she's finally calmed down. I don't really want to be under her findings because no matter what I do or how well I do, she's going to find something to make me out to be bad. I will come to your aide if I absolutely have to. But I really rather not.

I spoke with others. She's dismissed or given poor reviews to several in the past month or so. One man who was known for his great work was let go because of his lateness.

I was told when she came,(the new boss) "Be careful, she said you had to be gotten rid of" And here it is.

She's so pretty and sweet, and I told her from the beginning, "I want to spend time with you so I know what you want." She recounted wanting to give me her hand me down clothes and shoes that she could no longer wear. She said we'd meet for a nice lunch at my expense off work but nothing came of it...And when time passed and she didn't give me what she'd said, she said, I had the clothes dry-cleaned just for you. But she never gave me any clothes. I had text from her saying things like, "Deb, you're a keeper!" And "Great job! lunch on me!" And, when I wanted to purchase a second phone she stopped me, saying,"Don't buy a new phone. I have one for you!" But nothing ever came of it. She just never delivered. I asked so many times for us to have time together just to know her better and share one on one, but she said yes and then said she was too busy with work.

In my review with her she asked me four times, "Have I ever done anything to you that was disrespectful?"

I tried answering, but she spoke over me, countering what she thought I was leading up to in my share. It was like dealing with a teen on the Dr. Phil show. She never once heard what my thoughts were, nor did she try to hear them. At the end of the debilitating session where she told me that my colleagues and dept. heads talked poorly about me to her, she let me know that she'd never had to endure such a lengthy review.

I didn't want to let on to my co-management, but in the end they were rallying. They said things like, "She's been sent to this store because it was her last chance." "I know she's going to talk to me next and I won't spare the truth. I have nothing to hide. I love you Deb and everyone else here does too."

So with that I am resigned to the facts. They wrote me up, took away my keys and possibly my earnings stating that I could be demoted to as little as a cashier's pay and part time employment plus these FIVE GLORIOUS DAYS OFF for being suspended.

If anyone believes me, I was suspended for 3 days a few months back based on the fact that they said I didn't do my job. I did do my job and actually more. But the fact remains that the next person on the night crew, didn't bother to tell the truth or do the right thing thus blaming me for the wrong doing.

I will tell you truly that if I do something wrong, I'll admit it. If I am blamed for someone's wrong, I really don't know what to do with it with someone who is so inflammatory as my boss who speaks over me.

When I sought council about this the person on the other end of the phone said, "You're the 4th person this week from your store."

To be continued. Thank you Buddies, for weathering through this muck. I am dumbfounded. I have tried my best, but in reality, there are others out there who can take my job and appease the bottom line. What a shame.

I am going to spend this week in prayerful meditation. The weight loss is going well. It seems things concerning the body have worked there way out. I eat well, sleep more and am dedicated to this site. My new beginning is purely God's Grace. Peace be with you.

(6 comments)

05 January 2013

I revel in the time it takes to just get a couple miles in, up and down these hills and exploring the sounds and sights of early morning. I have often lately not gotten in from work until 1am.

I have this notion that if I can just force myself up after a few hours I can do it. However, often times, I roll over and bathe in the heavenly bed below me, ignoring the wake up call, I cling to the last of a dream. Last October I had a dream of having a flat stomach! I believe that dream has driven me to this journey. To finding my friends here, and with belly not quite where I want it, accomplishing that goal.

I love morning. I love everything about it. It's been cold here, so I light a fire when I get up and huddle around it with a steaming cup of black coffee and a huge blanket around my now growing small body. My gown is now draped as it should be. Even the shoes I normally wear are getting big.

I have finally hit a place in this journey where clothing is not a problem. Where the pants I wore which were splitting are now mended and lay comfortably on me.

I am not done. I know there are many of us who think to do what we are about to attempt may be with pitfalls. But I am truly saying that it was actually easy...so far. I am out of shape but have had no trouble losing weight. I just did what I felt was right and the idea of feeding my body nutrients drove me to a place that is possible.

When I first began I imagined how people who are without food, suffer. I acknowledged in my heart how privileged I am to eat cashews and fresh vegetables, fruit and organic proteins. And in my heart, I felt that by getting healthy, I could insure that I'd be able to help people in some major way.

I pray a lot. I suppose in the end, if I could say the one true thing that remained constant has been my ability to talk to God and surround each little meal with gratefulness and thinking about how dearly I value staying alive and healthy; even more, how will I pay it forward?

I am stronger now than I was in years past. I love being in life and loving people. The buddies I've gained here on FS are AMAZING. You have helped transform me. I thank God everyday for all of you and those to come.

Love to you all,
Deb

(3 comments)

01 January 2013

Weigh-in: 132.0 lb

lost so far: 38.0 lb

still to go: 12.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 3.5 lb a week

31 December 2012

I had a really tough time getting home last night. There had been about 3 or 4 inches of snowfall up our mountain and it had turned into sparkling ice. I couldn't wait to get home. I took the short-cut up the back of the mountain.

Did someone earlier in the day mention, "Do you keep a set of chains in the car?" "Na, I've got a great little car that can take anything!" Little did I know!

So there I was, white-knuckling the steering wheel, sliding backwards, and sideways down the hill! I rocked my steering wheel back and forth, trying to gain some momentum. I cheered for my little car with every incremental movement forward, and in the end, I said a little prayer and God must have thought I deserved not to walk up and down those iced over hills in the pitch dark!

My little car and I were VICTORIOUS! We reached the apex, I was screaming to my little car (Penelope, Phil named her) what a great job!!!! I loved her and I knew she could do it! Thank You God! Thank You God! I was so grateful!

And then a thought struck me as I sat there. Am I going to slide down this thing sideways?!! What lie ahead was a kin to one of those slue things the Olympic Bob Sled teams ride. Up until now, it had taken nearly an hour to achieve the distance I normally travel in minutes. I didn't have my cell phone with me...

I took it nice and easy going down the hairpin turns and slid quite a bit in spots, but using the slid as a method for continuing down this snaky road. All the while, talking to myself, "good job! This is fine, I'm doing well!"

I finally made it to the base of my own driveway! I never realized how long and steep it is until now! "I can do this! After all I've done tonight, this little car and I can do anything!"

I hit the gas! And boy did I get sideways! I got little Penelope car so sideways, I nearly landed her in the ditch!!! After all the work I put into getting home, I'd have some "splaining" to do if I wrecked my own car in my own flippin' driveway!

I couldn't wait to tell Phil about what an amazing driver he's married to!! I sat down next to the fire and began my long braggadocios yarn about how I, like any race-car driver who really knows what they're doing, worked my way out of going into the ditch several steps of the way, pulling my steering column this way then that and hitting the gas at just the right moment.

He listened intently. When I came to the end of my speech, Phil said, "Why on earth would anyone go up the short-cut with all this snow and ice?"

Phil often has a knack for summing up my antics this way. I usually don't have an answer.

Happy New Year to All of You! God's blessings to you and your families!

(3 comments)

30 December 2012

Weigh-in: 133.0 lb

lost so far: 37.0 lb

still to go: 13.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 1.8 lb a week

philanddeb's weight history

view complete history