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Weight History
showing entries 21 to 23 of 23
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07 September 2010
Well now I've gone and done it. Last year, I hit a plateau with my weight loss and, what's worse, is that I lost my desire to keep going as well. So I've been maintaining my weight loss. I started out at 220+ pounds. The heaviest I've ever been. My boyfriend of 5+ years broke up with me in February last year and it hit me hard. I lost a total of 50 pounds. And then I started running and exercising more and... nothing happened. My ex didn't want me back still and I wasn't any happier. So I kind of just resigned to being the size I was at about 172+ pounds. I mean, it was a great improvement to where I'd been but definitely not where I wanted my journey to end. So in July I started a blog. Thinking it would inspire me to do more. But I was so concerned with what people would think about me if I really put myself out there that it just became this superficial device I used to be positive and motivational. Sometimes I really am that person. But, lately, I've not been. It's hard to admit something like that. I like being the go-to person for all things hard. I like being the one that smiles when everyone else is frowning. But where my weight is concerned, there just isn't anything to smile about. It's really easy, I feel, for people to say things like "you aren't fat." "you don't look big to me." because they aren't you. They aren't trapped in your skin. When they look in the mirror, they don't see all that is wrong with them. I do. I see everything. I wish for a better this, a better that, and then I eat away any chance I have of actually getting there. It's a really stupid and vicious cycle. I let myself go for 2 weeks. I was letting stupid ex-boyfriend crap blur my focus. What a waste of 2 weeks. I ate everything I wanted - sure. But, in the end, I hit the 190 mark on the scale. My heart stopped beating when that number came up on the scale window. "NO." was all I was thinking. I started checking for resources I could use to help things along. I found this website through a blackberry app I downloaded. I really think this might be the best thing I've ever seen. It's free and at my finger tips. I've done weightwatchers before and I know that more than going to meetings, tracking is what makes the difference. I can track here, journal here, read about people like me. It's kind of awesome. Yesterday was day 1. It was okay. I was hungry a lot of the day, but successfully avoided over-eating. So far so good today. Although I really really was tempted to get some chips at lunch. I'm glad I didn't, though - it would just have made me feel bad about myself. And I am not hungry for them now so obviously it was not a "hunger" decision that was driving that desire. I just am really desperate to see significant change. I'm tired of waiting for things that are just never going to happen. Most of all, that includes my ex. He's just really bringing me down. My weight went up after I saw him. I can't take this yo-yo he does with my emotions. I may be strong at many things, but I have a real problem with eating. It's like an addiction that I am struggling to gain control over. The thing about alcohol and drugs is that the goal is to stop use of the alcohol or drug altogether. But I do not have that choice with food. I need it to survive so I need to learn how to control my use of it. Going overboard like I do is sooooo bad. So so so so so so bad. And really kind of disgusting. Bleh. Okay now I'm grossed out with myself. Anyway - this is me. admitting i have a problem. and trying to do something about it.
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06 September 2010
Weigh-in:
222.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
92.0 lb
Diet followed N/A
add comment
06 September 2010
Weigh-in:
222.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
92.0 lb
Diet followed N/A
add comment
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