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Weight History
showing entries 26 to 30 of 53
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17 February 2012
Weigh-in:
148.5 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
13.5 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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losing 2.5 lb a week
10 February 2012
Weigh-in:
151.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
16.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
add comment
losing 3.1 lb a week
01 February 2012
Weigh-in:
155.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
20.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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gaining 0.2 lb a week
19 April 2011
Weigh-in:
145.0 lb
lost so far:
3.0 lb
still to go:
10.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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gaining 0.2 lb a week
10 August 2009
I am having a VERY hard time trying to plan my meals to maintain my weight. I seem to stay hungry. I eat healthy foods, but I have an awful sweet tooth and am addicted to food. My mother claims I am hungry all the time because I do not eat enough and am underweight. I have been told that since I am 5'9 1/2'' I should not weigh in the 120's. I was told if I did not gain some weight, my body would keep telling me that I am not eating enough. I used to have a love/love relationship with food, but now I have a love/hate one. I still love to eat, but I now see food as the enemy. I stay depressed and in an awful mood, and live for the scale. I panic if I have even gained one pound. I'm not sure what to do. I have been venting to my mother and brother so much that I am driving them crazy. I don't know if I should get rid of the scale and go by how my jeans fit me instead (since the scale rules my life) or if I should keep the stupid thing in the bathroom and do everything I can to not weigh every morning.
I am just so terrified of getting out of the 120's and no longer being a size two that I sometimes worry myself sick. My weight rules me, and I just hate it. Today I recieved the wonderful news that my 2009-2010 college tuition is being paid for completely with grants and scholarships. I was thrilled and wanted to get an ice cream or go out to eat to celebrate; but then a thought hit me, "You were 124 pounds on the scale this morning and have probably gained three pounds from breakfast and lunch. You will most likely be about 128 going to bed tonight after dinner. No, you can't have an ice cream or an off meal." I used to weigh 156 and was happy. I just always felt like a glutten and that everyone saw me as too big. I was always told that I just had a sturdy frame (I have medium to large bones) and was built like an athlete, but I always saw myself as just plain and simply large.
Now I just don't know what to do. I have good food days and bad food days. On my good food days I think to myself, "Yeah, you can do this!" On my bad food days I think, "I don't know how much longer I can take this. I can't do this for the rest of my life. I couldn't be more miserable. Someone just shoot me."
*Sigh* I just thought I should get this all off my chest. I live in fear that I am going to gain weight, but I also live in fear of being hungry. My little brother told me, "You've become one of those people we used to hate! All of a sudden what's on the outside is more important than what's on the inside! I'm not saying that I want you to eat just like you used to; I just want you to be healthy."
Oh, dear. Hahaha. I didn't mean to make this so long, but when I start to vent there is no stopping me. Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a lovely night! Have fun and sleep well.
(3 comments)
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