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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 911
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23 August 2023
Today is being a challenge. I didn't want to wake up. I found a good book that I've been reading before bed so I've been staying up late because just like with food sometimes I just can't stop. I lost 30 minutes in the shower. I may have fallen asleep. I didn't drown standing up so that's a plus I suppose. Mentally I think I'm still asleep. The 3 whys may seem a bit. meh.. but I did them.
Today's 3 Whys:
1. Someone once mentioned skinny privilege. Apparently skinny people are treated differently than someone who is overweight. I'm not surprised but I'm curious of what this includes.
2. Because everything on my body hurts right now from gardening. Simple gardening should not leave me unable to touch the ground for 3 days afterwards.
3. Because I'm tired and I said so.
(2 comments)
22 August 2023
Knock knock. Whose there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the lake I'm drowning. This joke has been going through my head for the last 2 days. The summer seems to have ended and I am now in the rush of getting everyone ready for the fall. #1 is getting ready to return to college. This means shopping, lots of shopping, and more college loans that make me sick to my stomach. #2 is getting ready for middle school and soccer. This means new cleats because nothing fits for more than 6 months and meeting after meeting after meeting with the school because in their minds 6th grade is a monumental event. It's not.. so now I'm annoyed. And #3 is being #3. He's my shadow that I almost trip over any time I turn around. He's nervous and disappointed to be returning to school. His birthday is this weekend. He's excited about that. He's still upset I sent him for swim lessons over the summer. It goes on.. so now I'm exhausted and wishing this old house had a closet I could hide in. Because of this and the Crumble Cookies #1 brought home after her latest shopping list I am struggling. ALOT. I don't do well with stress, being tired, or financial challenges. So excuse the lack of 3 whys yesterday. I was too tempted to find a corner to suck my thumb and rock myself in.
If that wasn't enough my gardening left a baby bunny homeless. I apologized many many many times. I thought the burrow was old. What rabbit in her right mind is having babies right now? I think I have slutty bunnies in my yard. One of the babies was left behind and didn't leave. Given me and my kids we have adopted it and now I'm bottle feeding a baby bunny. His/Her name is either thumper, jerkface, Jack, Lil Sh#&, F@cker, or Snack Pack. Bottle feeding was a little challenging and #1 was helping and plans on naming it. My 19 yr old has a very colorful mouth.
Today's 3 whys:
1. Because I feel better, stronger, and more capable of dealing with life when I treat my body well and don't eat Crumble Cookies.
2. Because of soccer moms. Personally they terrify me. They run around in their spandex pants, with yeti cups and aviator sunglasses. They kind of remind me of drill sergeants. They seem to yell encouraging things aggressively and have a troop of tiny humans with them that they can control with glares. I run a pirate ship that is under a constant state of mutiny and I think the captain has been drinking. I don't know why but I think being in better shape would help me deal with these people. I could at least live confidently knowing I can do more pushups than them.
3. Because I'm tired of being exhausted. I equal less mass to move with more energy. Hopefully this is true. If it's not don't tell me.
(7 comments)
20 August 2023
Getting a late start this morning. I did yard work for over 6 hours yesterday. Not my favorite thing to do but it looks sooooo much better. It's also allowing me to shrink one of the gardens. I don't know what the woman did who lived here before me but I do not have the time to keep up with all the gardens around this house. Half of them look so overgrown that they might as well be grass because they are turning into grass. I think she had actual garden gnomes or she was the green thumb version of Cinderella. I am not that.. I am a dairy farmers wife who could kill plants while trying to save them. I think I loved them too much..
Today's 3 Whys:
1. Because I don't like looking like those butt cutouts. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Once upon a time people had wooden cutouts of butts that they would put out as a haha.. It was always a round butt. Half the time I think granny panties were involved. It may have been a plan to keep people from looking at their home or when their actual butt was out there people were so used to it they stopped looking. I don't know. I don't want to be a giant butt in my front yard trying to find the flowers that are being suffocated by weeds.
2. Because my favorite shorts are stuggling to make it through the summer. They have a rip starting to go up one thigh, they are wearing thin where my thighs rub, new holes that weren't part of the original design are appearing. They may make it to the end of the summer but I doubt it. I don't want to buy any more shorts in a size 16 for as long as I live. I'm going to do this. I'm going to shrink. The size 16 will not be a thing by the beginning of next spring. I refuse to accept this reality. I might be dillusional but I refuse to accept that I have to keep buying the current size that I am in. I may end up naked with only one pair of pants to my name but.. I just refuse.
3. Because I'm feeling good. I've had a couple slips in the week and yes I've had a mini cupcake or 2 but I feel better not eating like crap. I would have only been able to do half the stuff I did yesterday if I hadn't started to get my ducks in a row on Monday. I feel positive. I feel more energetic. I don't feel any lighter but that will come with time. I'm going to keep this good feeling going.
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19 August 2023
I think I'm developing journal envy. Yesterday after journaling my 3 whys I took a break and went through everyone who was featured or following me. I ran across a few people who had succeeded in going from obese to hello six pack. Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit but I cannot believe that I would ever get to that level. Maybe once I lose the weight I will set my sights on a higher goal. Right now I just want my pants to fit and I want to be able to not feel like I'm dying after taking the dog for a walk. We're both out of shape so it works. He has a rod in his leg from where he broke it as a puppy and I'm old so we both have an excuse. If either of us pushes it too far the other lays down on the sidewalk and refuses to move until we have had a 5 minute break. We will both get there though. Slow as a herd of turtles but we will get there.
Today's 3 Whys:
1. Because I want to see how much I would have to lose before the BF would say something. We've been together for 4 years now. He's been with me since I was 205 lbs. I double checked and yes I was that heavy on our first date. He didn't say a word when I put on 15 lbs. He is super supportive. He bought me a new elliptical when mine broke. He was letting me be his guest at the gym until I bought my own pass. He meets me at the gym at least 2 days a week so we can workout together instead of going out to lunch. He's amazing and I want to be better with him. Not for him.. with him. He's already made progress. I have not.
2. Because I want to wear the cute clothes. I keep getting Shein ads on all my stuff and the tops are adorable. None of them come in my size. I looked and the things that come in my size range I was less than thrilled with. Either they are too short and would show my front butt or they just weren't cute. I found a couple so I ordered from there for the first time. My daughter orders adorable clothes from there all the time. She's a small. She doesn't think anything that I think is adorable. I have none of the adorable tops in my life.
3. Because of front butts. I think its also known as the foopa? I could be completely wrong. Quite frankly I don't care what a foopa is. I'm not even sure if I'm spelling that right. It's been a front butt to me for as long as I've noticed them. It's on the front under the muffin top. It's the second butt that's on the front. I hate it. I know mine isn't as bad as it could be. I feel for other women who have it worse. I do not like mine. I hide it. It's a hidden secret that no one is allowed to see. Until I have to reach something on the top shelf. Then it comes out in all it's glory. A friend of mine would lecture me and tell me it's natural.. I had 3 kids.. blah blah blah. It may never go away completely but.. it can be less noticable. I want to shrink my front butt. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know.
(1 comment)
18 August 2023
Yay for Friday! It's been a long 5 days. Part of it is giving up sweets which made me slightly moody and probably a little nuts. Not going to lie I think I almost cried by the end of the day on Monday for no apparent reason other than I had given up sweets. I did slip last night and ate two of the kids mini cupcakes. I need to be less emotional about work. It's work. It's not life. It's a job. It's not my passion in life. I manage a literature department that makes installation instructions. I don't even think people read what we write. After a stressful day that lead me to mini cupcakes I made a decision. I need to find a passion in life that is not work. I'm not sure what that is. I might start writing instructions for life instead of products. I might start inventing useless things that make me giggle. I don't know.. I need a passion. Not a smutty novel passion. Something that makes me want to get up and do it passion.
Today's 3 Why's:
1. Because when I find my passion I may need to be able to move without rolling around like a beached whale. I tried a workout that made me get down on the ground, do something, get back up, do something.. just getting up and down kicked my butt. I feel like that was supposed to be the easy part of the workout... it wasn't. The idea of doing a burpee is a nightmare I have now. I should be able to do a burpee without questioning all my life decisions.
2. Because my new workout shorts keep sliding down my butt. They are the same size as my current workout shorts BUT.. I think I stretched the old ones out. I now have panty peeker shorts. If I sit, bend over, sneeze or walk more than a minute there they are! I should not have to keep pulling my shorts up. They are not falling off, they are holding on for dear life and failing. Say no to panty peekers.
3. Because I want to reach a goal. I also want someone to give me a metal because I accomplished something. Not participated.. accomplished! My goal is to go from 224 to 190 by the end of this year. That's a 34 pound loss over 20 weeks. It's a little over 1.5 pounds a week. Aggressive? Maybe. But go big or don't. I want to go big.. no wait.. small. I want to go smaller. Go with an aggressive shrink plan or don't? I don't know. It's my goal. If I reach it I will buy my own metal. Or tropical vacation. A tropical vacation when you live in upstate NY with snow in December sounds like a much better reward. I will track the goal in my profile. I will make goal posters for the fridge. I will make trackers, planners, and motivational post its to cover my entire house if I have to. I might have just found my passion. Or I'm going slightly insane. It's fine. I'm fine.
(1 comment)
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