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Weight History
showing entries 11 to 13 of 13
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20 September 2010
I am scared. Scared that I will meet an early demise. Scared everytime I walk on campus. My huffing and puffing is getting so much worse than I ever thought I would ever let myself get. Chest pains, breathing getting harder, my body aches, no energy, fuzzy headedness; what's worse is even food, my sedative, my drug no longer satiates me. I am so much more miserable than I should be. I am looking for this to help, this to remove this fucking weight off of me. I have so much living to do, Michael Jon, my cousin passed away on 08/26/2010, and all I could think of was how young he was, 20 years old. HE left behind a fiancee, a daughter, a mother, he never saw the world. I don't want this. I need to lose this weight. Please if there is a God, if not please forces of nature and the universe, hear my plea to aid me in my quest for life. I want to simply enjoy things again. Anything. Everything. Please. I feel time is running out.
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30 August 2010
Restarting yet again. I hate being on this cycle. I wish I could just stick with it. I love losing thee weight, I wish I could just break this spell food has on me. My cousin Michael Jon died last Thursday 08/26/2010, and I just hid myself in booze and desserts. I hate this cause I have pain in my chest, and almost all my joints hurt. I even broke our steel framed to our king size bed when my wife and I were making love. I am so scared I will be next to go under-- on the brighter side, Terri is getting full employment at Monty and Muniz, and we'll have full benefits by Nov. My first goal is to get to then while on the diet, enlist a workout regimen at least 5 days out of the week, lose at least 30 lbs by then (really 50 would be preferred goal). I really want to be able to tryout for the Minor League football team this coming Spring. Wish me luck, the next few days are gonna be hard.
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24 May 2010
May 24th, 2010
El Paso, Tx. Master bedroom
8:23 am
Alright Journal here we go again. I've been on the 1st part of the Atkins Induction period again for about a week. This feels so redundant to me. I weighed in at 375lbs, at least that seems to be my body's weight cap, can't seem to get any higher. I was feeling like crap again before the restart. Everything seemed to hurt, my mind was in a fog of sugar and starches, my moods definitely were out of balance, signs of depression were everywhere, obviously lethargic. I had maintained a workout regiment for a while after the previous weight loss attempt, but could keep it together.
This time we are poorer, than we've ever been starting the diet, on top of having less help food stamps wise, so this will be tricky. I mean we can't do anything because we don't have any cash, and I am in the midst of being off from school with nothing to do again. I hate to shift responsibility, but I don't think my nephew Sebastian's stint with us here helped our stress levels any. His behavior is subversively destructive and overtly negative that I know undoing the damage he did to Catie and Adam is going to take some time.
Yet here I am, one week in, and I am 11 lbs lighter. I am coming out of the fog, and feeling the itch to write, exercise, to live. I think I'll take the kids to the park today.
p.s. Sucks that Seabass is still here, we plan to move the kids into separate rooms when he leaves,and we plan to move a lot of furniture around, and especially paint.
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