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+Yesterday was the first time in a very long time that I ate under my calorie goal.
-but i still gained-not surprised my moon time is expected this week
+/- I keep hoping I am pregant even though I know I am not at a healthy weight--I just keep hoping I am. I am probably not though.
+ I went to the Dr. today for my foot and other things. I said out loud for the first time to any one that I have gained 50 lbs since June.
- I realized I am mad about this--I was doing so good and then my world got flipped upsidedown by the person I entrusted my life with the most and it's just so messed up.
+But I keep hoping and trying with him for us. Because for me I cannot take us failing. We are too big to fail. For me at least. Hence the hope that he makes a mistake or my body doesnt fail me and lets me get pregnant so that he finally does what he says he will do. That sounds bad, even if he doesnt come through, at least I can focus on something good instead of us.
+I watched a documentary on derby this week--it is my new motivation. i want to get back to feeling good and trying to skate so it doesnt hurt so easily.
+for now will remember to drink water, will try to get to the gym and will stay withing calories.
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305.2 lb
Lost so far: 33.8 lb.
Still to go: 5.3 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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gaining 3.7 lb a week
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