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Looooooooong entry, just to warn anyone who dares enter here!
My family has been through too much, and I have been thinking too much.
Several family deaths, best friends family deaths, another possible death looming any day now. One of my uncles passed in July. Then, just three months later, my Aunt Dot (technically my great-great aunt, but we always called her aunt) passed away in October. She was the matriarch of the family. Somehow, our godmother, who lost her mother and her husband within a few months, is pushing forward. I don't know how she did it. Her mother was her best friend. She may have a few issues, but that is one hell of a woman.
Here is the one that took this family by storm: our Aunt Kathy. She died on Feb 22nd. My brother hadn't seen her in over eight years. I hadn't seen her in three. On the day of our Gram's memorial services over four years ago, she never showed up and went to grab the stuff she wanted. She had the nerve to lie to the whole family about it! She also didn't allow our cousins, who were practically my siblings until my brother was born (10 years younger than me), to attend. After that, she turned to hard drugs. I offered to go with her to counseling and to pay for it if she would go; she refused. So my husband and I out her out of our lives.
Apparently, she had severe medical problems for years and never bothered to tell anyone... not even her sons. She was supposed to go to dialysis once a week, but she never did. Then, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few months ago and never started chemo. It wasn't until her last couple of weeks that her oldest son realized what was happening. He helped our Gram when she was passing from cancer too. So he had to relive that experience all over again, and watch his own mother wither away.
I mourn the woman who I grew up with. I mourn the woman who practically helped raised me along with Gram. They were my mothers. We were sooo incredibly close. But this... shell of a person who wanted to die... I don't know that person. So I can't grieve for that person.
I gained 10lbs in a little over two weeks of her dying. I swear, I could eat 3 cheesesteaks a day, and it would not effect me the same way stress does!
Buuut, because life has both good and bad, a blessing came out of this: in her death, we got our cousins back! We have been getting together and picking up where we left off, like we hadn't been separated for years! We thank G-d everyday that we all have the boys back.
Also, after three years of not speaking, I reconnected with my brother in Sept. He called and apologized. Then, after only talking for a couple of months, moved in a couple of days before Christmas. It has been a rocky road. Our mother messed him up faaaaaar too worse than we had originally thought. In addition, he alienated our friend & roommate, who moved in Sept last year. Not only that, but having two extra people puts our adoption plans on hold! So she has left and we barely see her. She has this boyfriend who we really don't care for... and happens to be 30 years her senior. He has grandchildren, for f*ck's sake! But, so far, he has mostly treated her well. So that's on her. She's one of those people that has to be in a relationship. However, after giving my brother a date to get his crap together and get a job, he finally has! He finally understands what we've been trying to tell him since he moved in here! We really hope he does well and continues to work there. Him being here has put a palpable strain on our marriage. However, because we're a strong couple, we make it through everything. We celebrated eight years of marriage on Feb 10th <3
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250.0 lb
Lost so far: 19.0 lb.
Still to go: 35.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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gaining 0.3 lb a week
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