michaelstigers's Journal, 29 July 2011

Alright, I get it already - I'm to fat...

Some could say it's from my medications; others would say it's because I eat to much/to late/or not correctly (as if there's a right way to eat...that's like saying there's a right way to take a breath or drink a glass of water) - no matter what you call it, I'm getting large.

...I used to only weigh 145 - 155lbs...those days were when I was under 21 lol...

When I got to 165; I shook my head and said, "that's great...finally I'm getting some meat on my bones..." - chemotherapy had made me unable to gain weight; constant surgeries also contributed...

...@ 180 - I started to get nervous, but thought "it's okay - just tighten up - you don't look sick any longer..."

...@ 200 - I started to flip; and became disgusted with the image in the mirror...

...@ over 200 - I want to break every mirror I see. My self image has disappeared; and I feel like a beached whale.

I used to be "hot" - I used to always get the looks, and hit on. I had clothes that fit...

...now - nothing fits unless it's sweat pants, or something with elastic - pray that I don't break the elastic bands...

I'm finally serious about it - but it's going to be a long battle; I know.

I began walking the dogs today - 1.75 miles with the route that I take...it's a start. I think with this daily; on top of exercising a minimum of 3 days per week (hopefully 5) - I *should* be able to get my weight under control my Christmas; and not be scared of the camera...(although I'm never in any pictures because I'm always the photographer...lol)

...reporting my status and being honest here; and on my Android should make this a significant tool in my arsenal of battling fat - and getting my self image and worth back...

...it will also make my other half very happy; as finally - I'll look like the guys on TV again!!! (crosses fingers, and tries to learn some patience for the minimum of the next 4.5 months - let's get ripped as a Christmas present...I can't think of a better one for both of us!)

...diet? I don't have one yet...suppose I should start looking around; for now - I'm going to stick to portion control!
225.0 lb Lost so far: 0 lb.    Still to go: 50.0 lb.    Diet followed N/A.
gaining 0.5 lb a week

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