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I'm not liking the direction that my weight graph is going -- another lb up, damn it! I know, I know its just a number, its not who I am, and it has to take a back seat as I work to live & eat mindfully. Because what i truly want, is to be free from the obsession about food -- what/when/how much to eat -- and my weight!
So, I've met with 2 therapists, but am torn between who to work with! And each time I think I've decided, I change my mind again! One is very much mindfulness focused, was younger (not that that's a bad thing but of course made me think not as experienced) & as interested in my eating/disordered eating history as other relationship/emotional issues. The other commented that its not about the food & was much more interested in my relationships, family, feelings, etc. My initial gut feeling was that I could work through the mindful eating program with the retreat group, so I should go with the 2nd therapist. But, and maybe its a reaction to the weight gain?, now I'm thinking I want to be able to work on the food too. And, of course, as I do have a life that I love, how much do I want to delve it and/or am I ready to rock the boat? While I wish, one of you wonderful FS friends, could resolve my indecisiveness on this, I know its my decision, but wonder if anyone's experience with working with a therapist could shed any light.
One wiser than me suggested I pray about it & I am, as well as for serenity --
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
And through this one pound weight gain, the upcoming weekend (knowing weekends can be a struggle for me & this is a busy one), and each one day, meal, moment, bite & emotion, I'll continue praying, breathing, posting, logging & expressing my way. I especially today need to express my gratitude for each of amazing you, my family (my youngest comes home tonight :) & is home until after Thanksgiving) & IRL friends, and having the health (playing tennis this morning) & wealth (had a wonderful facial yesterday) to live this life I love! xoxox
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