Well, I have been off the beaten FS track lately, but felt it was a time to pause for a moment and nurture the harmony within. I'm not sure if harmony is what I discovered, but acceptance and places of peace definitely presented themselves.
So, I guess the first question of the moment is did the maintenance break work? Well, yes and no. LOL. It worked in that it sure did rev up the metabolism, but when I cut the calories, the lowest I was able to achieve after about 5 days was 186.2 and after that despite diligence, it stayed between the exact same range it has when I was eating at 1800 cals per day, which has been 186-189. I honestly don't know whether to feel gratitude or frustration, but to be sure I have felt both. I mean on the one hand, it's nice to know I can have a "maintenance day" above 1350 cals and not gain, but ya know, part of the purpose of this journey was to lose weight.
I confess, on Friday someone brought donuts into the office and I felt a bit spiteful and rebellious and ate one. I might have passed it on by, but thought, what's the point? Of course, later I made sure my cals remained in maintenance so a splurge did not become a binge. There is a definite disappointment that accompanies this place. I had expectations this body can't meet right now, it friggin sucks! On the other hand, there's some incredible tools and other perspectives I've gained along the way that are invaluable.
I learned so much from the maintenance break. And, I'll state mainly there really doesn't need to be any such thing as a "cheat day". In fact, I realize what a dis-service I did to my own brain for creating "fatter-days" and I'll tell ya why. There are 3 components to this journey one must be mindful of; 1) A weight loss WOE 2) A maintenance WOE, and 3) A Binge. But, this brain had only created two categories, 1) weight loss woe, and 2) cheat/binge.
I never included a category for maintenance, which is astounding really because weight loss means nothing unless one knows how to maintain the loss (which, obviously this body does quite well without my intervention, LOL). During the maintenance break, I completely removed "fatter-days" or cheat days because truthfully, I was eating more cals consistently and the high end of maintenance (around 2100 cals for this girls height and weight) seemed enough to work with if I wanted to eat outside my WOE. And, I wasn't wrong. In fact, it was such a relief after 14 days to start cutting calories back. Even though, I was maintaining the weight range, I often felt full and bloated and missed that light feeling.
In short, by creating a fatter-day at the beginning of this journey over 7 months ago, I was sabotaging myself because if ya know how to do maintenance, one doesn't need to cheat or even feel guilty, they just do a "maintenance day". It may not mean a person will lose, but they won't gain either (other than the proverbial water weight), and simply resume their WOE the next day. That realization has been mind blowing and if I was actually losing weight might really be that last piece of the puzzle to keep this journey flowing consistently.
Except, I didn't lose anymore when I cut the calories and I cut them gradually. Is it muscle? The medications? A stubborn body that just doesn't want to let go? I don't know and I'm done trying to figure it out. I can't get off the medication for the MS, that is not an option. I'm not giving up the muscle mass I've increased, it's the one thing that keeps me going. And, as for what this body is unwilling to let go of, I can't force that issue, it has to comes to terms with that in it's own way and in its own time.
So, what does that mean? Well, I focus on the things I can make inroads with and that is fitness. I will keep 1350 cals/day as the daily goal. This weekend I indulged beyond it, but the cals are well within maintenance and today we're still doing okay at 1475. However, I don't want this body to think 1350 is its set point for this weight range either, because then I run the risk of gaining if I were to go above it. So come November 1, I'll go on another 14 day maintenance calorie break just to make sure we keep the metabolism revved up and then work back down again. I may have to do this a few times regardless of whether I lose, but it's better than having a body think it can only maintain at 1350.
Things I can readily work on:
1) going from 1:30 second plank to 2:00 minutes and doing non-modified push ups
2) increasing cardio on recumbent bike from 30-40 minutes (already done)
3) Incorporating hatha yoga into the workout schedule (starting at the beginning of the year)
4) Incorporating 10lb weights and eventually 12 lb weights into strength straining routine
5) starting some probiotics and getting this gut ready to see if it can handle the ampyra (another med for the MS to help with walking)
6) starting physical therapy at St. Lukes and Incorporating physical therapy exercises into the workout routine
7) As recommended by Doctor, double up the baclofen at night to help with the muscle spasms and stiffness in right leg
8) Blood work in October to see if the immuno suppressive has successfully wiped out 30% of my white blood cells
9) MRI in January to ensure there is not an increase in lesions on brain and spinal chord and petition the universe the one on T2 is no longer active.
And, one nice victory to hold close. I may not be losing weight, but in 2016 my medical charts listed this girl's BMI at 37.3. Yesterday's chart now lists it 33.3. That's actually pretty darn good.
And, one last very essential goal - go out and enjoy places like this as much as is humanly possible.
Be blessed, everyone
