Diea's Journal, 10 February 2016

I'm realizing that I am in a hot mess: an unhealthy cycle of eating fast food at the end of the day.

I go to school and I"m there until 9pm. I get out and go through a drive through for fries and a soda. I eat the fries and drink the soda in the 20 minutes it takes me to drive home.

Now I'm home, full, and I feel sooooo fat. I feel so ashamed about buying icky food. I do so good in the daytime as a vegan and then crack after the sun goes down! This is not the first this happens this year. It's becoming a habit. I feel like when I was 220 lbs. I've come so far and I'm afraid I'm throwing it away! I'm weak, and I'm criticizing myself, and I feel so ugly. This is how I got big in the first place. I would think so negatively, like it doesn't even matter anyway. I've learned so much and it's all going out the window.

Also: today is my 8th day since I got sick, and it's my first day being back at school. The sinus infection is eating up my skin and I look so unhealthy. And I feel so fat because I'm not working out. (I tried to work out this weekend and felt so much worse after. My body was not happy about exercising while sick. Lesson learned!) I'm just not myself right now. I'm the old me that I thought was gone.

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Comments 
You're being really hard on yourself.  
11 Feb 16 by member: kpwcalories
dude...dude... it's ok. so you slipped up a little. that doesn't mean it's the end. maybe you just gotta pack some lunches ... keep snacks in your purse.. but there is no need for beating yourself down. so make a menu ...have ideas for snacks.... make a grocery list. .... organize your meals and cook some in advance. get your snacks ready and get a good lunch bag that you can bring it to school.... all you need to do is plan ahead a little.... you're beautiful already! other things that might help.... get some fancy.... undergarments lol... a new shirt...dye your hair.. get a new lipstick. .. and enjoy who you are now. just cause you have some pounds to lose dosent mean you can't feel good today. ... you are awesome already!!  
11 Feb 16 by member: 8hunter6
Ouch...na, go google and YouTube intermittent fasting... research it. Sounds like you're not getting satisfied on the your Calorie intake for the day. Just do some research and check out macros too. the stuff works. keep on keepin on Diea! you've come along way! maybe it's time to readjust your macros. My 2 cents ,I'll spend it how I please ;D 
11 Feb 16 by member: -FatWarrior-
Don't be so hard on yourself, Diea. To be honest, you have achieved a great feat already by losing so much and keeping steadfast on it for all this time. A slip once in a while or two is acceptable. What matters is that you are aware of those slips and hence you will definitely take the necessary action on it once you are healthy again. So give yourself some slack :) 
11 Feb 16 by member: Ashmy_Ash
pack some snacks and maybe take a different route home? Sometimes the long way around is the most successful. ALSO, school is brutal on diets. They don't call it the Freshman Fifteen for nothing. Lots of brainy stuff going on which consumes a lot of energy, but not a lot of muscle use. Plus your sick!! Perfect storm it sounds like. Don't gauge your success by this one, tiny moment in life. You've lost twice as much weight as I have and I'm so impressed with your ability to stick with this for so long. You're doing great, despite the current obstacles. chin up, my friend, better days are ahead. 
11 Feb 16 by member: RkTkFx
I feel ya on that. I have night classes too and it's 3 hours long (boredom will make you think about food), but I still manage to drink water when there are soda machines all across campus or junk food vending machines. Also, even though the gym is right across the street from my class building, I haven't set foot in it since the New Years started. Luckily I never sleep and have some dumbells and between-door frame pull-up bars I can use until then. 
11 Feb 16 by member: Bcoulal
It's amazing/scary/horrifying how fast old habits/old ways of thinking can come back. Even after over a year of creating new habits I have to be careful. Sometimes I feel like the "old" me is lurking right next to me waiting to pounce on a weak moment. Good for you for recognizing the problem, venting about it, and looking for an answer! Feel better soon! 
11 Feb 16 by member: Rckc
How can I do the LCHF Diet? Is Atkins a foot in the right direction? 
11 Feb 16 by member: Jget2015
dietdoctor.com has excellent info on LCHF and ketogenic diet. I am in school too. I find having snacks stashed in the car and my bag help. I typically have jerky at all times. Measured amounts of walnuts in my purse. String cheese works well. I refuse to let old habits sneak back in. I have come too far to give up now.  
11 Feb 16 by member: nyhardhat
I second RkTkFx's advice to try a different route home if you can. Using the transition back from being sick to make a break from actions you've already identified as wanting to change can make the timing easier. Any healty options you can grab on campus before you head home? Or a Trader Joe's on the way for picking something up to save time without resorting to fast food? You've already come so far and are an inspiration. Stay strong. 
11 Feb 16 by member: j_dalbar
Don't be so hard on yourself. The wonderful thing about life is that you get to try again, even when you feel that you've failed miserably. So tonight, make a few healthy snacks in advance, carrots or celery and hummus, or a piece of fruit. Maybe a boiled egg. Take it with you so that you have something healthy to eat during your drive. I've taken to making my lunch or snacks most days and find that it helps keep me on track. and when I fall off the wagon, and I do...I get back on it more easily because I know that I can start over as many times as I need. Forgive yourself:-) 
11 Feb 16 by member: Snessa
Omg. Your comments really hit me... in a good way. Thank you. I love all of the tips, especially taking the longer ride home to avoid fast foods and putting snack in my car for when I finish a long day at school. I like the rest of them too! I'm so grateful for FS for providing this outlet. This was some serious venting I needed to do to try to get out of this cycle. It feels good to release and learn from you all. You guys are amazing for supporting and affirming and being willing to share your tricks. I'm seriously lucky for being able to share this journey here. It has been a long one, and there are so many ups and downs, and the downs can be killer like this one. Thank you, FS friends! 
12 Feb 16 by member: Diea
I really can relate. Weekends are really bad for me. I always make excuses to eat with my family. I need to stop this nonsense and eat to save my life. 
13 Feb 16 by member: Jget2015

     
 

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