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Good morning, all. Your endless support never disappoints, thank you. Yesterday was a good day for intake and a good day in general. I didn't make it to the gym and that's okay. I realize that I've gone a little overboard lately, jumping in with both feet. Last week I was bound and determined to eat perfectly and work out religiously, then I was disappointed when I didn't get the results I felt I deserved and crashed. I was going to do this, this and this, and get this result. I know it doesn't work that way. I am recommitting to doing the best I can as often as I can and letting the rest work out however it may. Christmas is coming, and I don't want to go into the holiday disappointed because I didn't make a certain goal. I am trusting the process.
We are studying death and dying right now in school, boy does that put things into perspective. I am such a naturally empathetic person that when watching these videos of terminal patients going through the process I can't help but place myself in their shoes. We watched a video about a pediatrician who was diagnosed with stage four esophageal cancer, now that was an eye opener. It really helped me to see doctors as human, it was hard for him to accept his own mortality. When people die they primarily want three things, to not be alone, to not be in pain, and to know that their lives had purpose/substance. One woman said to her doctor "I don't know what I want, I've never done this before". Isn't that the truth. Death is the one thing guaranteed to us at birth, the final stage of growth and development, but here in the western culture we like to avoid it. We spend so much time and energy on prolonging life, and we are so preoccupied with what we can do that we never stop to think if we should. I immediately came home and started discussing with my husband what his final wishes would be, would he want a feeding tube, etc. Kind of a downer, but perspective nonetheless. When I get to the end of the road I don't want to look back and see that I spent all of my time beating myself up about my weight lol. And I sure as hell don't want to think that I let my anxieties stop me from giving all that I can back to the world. I want meaning, so I guess it's time to get busy living. I was thinking about doing some volunteering at hospice, but I constantly doubt myself. That would be hard. Volunteering also doesn't pay bills, and I have a lot of those.
So anywho, those are just the thoughts swarming through my head. I have a busy day. I'm hosting a Sunday dinner here, and with tomorrow completely dedicated to class and Christmas shopping I need to get a lot of cleaning and prep work done today. I think I'm going to drag my husband to the gym this evening. I need him to live a long time, and if he doesn't start making his health a priority he might not. As much as he would like to think otherwise, you can't extend your life purely through concentrated power of will. More though, it's also about quality. His weight holds him back from enjoying a lot of things.
Have a great day, buddies!
Diet Calendar Entries for 12 December 2014:
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1542 kcal
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Fat: 60.55g | Prot: 93.76g | Carb: 155.27g.
Breakfast: Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread, Egg, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer, Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Lunch: Wonder 80 Calorie Wheat Hamburger Buns, Wegmans BBQ Pulled Pork. Dinner: Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled), Great Value Fat Free Sour Cream, Hannaford Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Chili. Snacks/Other: Marshmallow fruit salad, Great Value Toasted Whole Grain Oat Cereal, La Banderita Low Carb Low Fat Soft Taco Shell, Baked Sweetpotato (Peel Not Eaten). more...
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2805 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Exercise machine (moderate) - 45 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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