vf123's Journal, 08 September 2009

OMG! i feel so frustrated with myself...yesterday TOM visited, and i should have known. sunday we went to a cookout and i was so well behaved with my diet that i even impressed myself. but yesterday was a whole different story. i'm not sure why but the day before TOM visits i could eat everything not nailed down, and thats what i did yesterday. seriously why does that happen, it's like i lose absolute control and even though i tell myself i shouldn't i do anyway. and it's like a battle with the devil or something, i try to convince myself not to eat something and the next thing i know i'm shoving anything i can into my mouth. then of course afterwards i feel horrible because i lost control. it seems as though i'm in almost perfect control except that one day, but then it puts me over the top and i spend the next 2 weeks getting my weight back to where i was(with the extra water weight on top of it all),the only good thing to come of it was that i was so disgusted with myself yesterday that i decided to start walking again(been slacking in the exercise department lately), for the longest time i've not been able to motivate myself to get moving and i know i need to, so if i can put a positive twist on any of it, at least i got up this am and went for a 2 mile walk(and i have to say i feel good),i'm on vacation from work this week, so i'm going to try to walk everyday this week and then maybe i can get back in the groove again. i didn't even get on the scale this AM because i know it won't be good, i'll wait till closer to weigh-in day, but hopefully the walking will help a little and maybe the damage won't be as bad.

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