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-sigh- Finally checking back in. Things aren't going that great, not terrible, but not good. Being back in my HOME home I'm now surrounded by tons of things I can't eat as well as things that I haven't even let myself *look* at in months... I haven't been binging/purging(though, I have thrown up a few times tbh), but I have been chewing/spitting. I had no idea that it's actually quite common until I looked it up. ....weird. I'm not doing it so much now, it was the just the first 2-3 days. I went crazy. I don't allow myself chocolate/candy/sugary foods or cereal/anything that I would have dug into months ago...so I was kind of having some old habit flashbacks. Ugh, it's better now...the cravings/urges are done with.
I'm still trying so hard NOT to snack or overeat that I've been under 1000(sometimes a bit above) for the past 5 days I've been here. Since the most I'm doing in a day is an hour of walking, some ab stuff, and cooking/cleaning/housework I don't feel as if I should be eating. -_- I DID get a bunch of supplies for cooking and I'm super psyched!
For dinner I made one of those Wanchai Ferry boxed things(yeah processed junk...but my fam was never going to use it so...) and switched out the chicken with tofu and used some whole grain brown minute rice instead of the white rice that came with it. Seriously amazing! The tofu turned out great, and the brown rice had a great texture...3 more servings = 3 more dinners for me! Aprox. 350-400 cal per serving I guess. So yummmylicious, but it would be even better if I had made my sauce from scratch :D
OH!!! I'm FINALLY going to see a doctor/therapist tomorrow! I'm really worried and nervous. I'm still split. Part of me knows that I should get a bit of help and try to stop what I've been doing to myself, but another part thinks I'm fine and I don't need to stop. I don't know what to think and I'm worried that this lady will not understand or be able to help or...anything. My mom says that I'm stubborn...I guess that's true. I'm so uncertain about all of tis and it's driving me up the wall. ....I just don't want to go back to what I looked/ate like before. I'll do whatever it takes to NOT go back...even if what I've been doing to myself is the only way to ensure that. I'm not saying it is, but still... It seems so simple to me
Oh well. We'll see how it goes. I'm starting to get pretty hungry, but I don't want to eat -_- Maybe I'll have a piece of toast with jam. That sounds amazing. See ya!
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