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I have come to realize that when someone sees a fat older person they assume they like it or don't care. I have been on exactly 2 diets...1 was a miguided atkins attempt. Which wasn't really a big try. Ate a vegetable and rice 5 days later and decided that anything that frowned on veggies wasn't good. I did Richard Simmons Food Mover and it totally worked. But, I couldn't eat as much food as he was trying to shove in me from the plan or I'd get major heart burn. But, I was also newly addicted to deep water aerobics too. It worked but when I developed a cyst on an ovary and had it removed the 2 weeks that I was on broth and jello and a little mashed potatoes I gained all the weight back quickly and thus found out I had PCOS and it wasn't till the next year when I lost that ovary to another rouge cyst that they gave me meds. I could make excuse after excuse why I didn't keep trucking, but the plain truth was that I had been defeated if all my hard work and accomplishment was back to square 1 and I had no motivation to go to square two. I didn't care about diet anymore just exercise but by then PCOS had packed on another 45 pounds. I was told not to run and I was trying my hardest to get to where I could. I guess with most of the crap sitting in my heart out on this computer screen. I am going to break it down. I am way huge, way unhealthy, and way too young to die and too old to not pay attention to what needs to be done. I need accountability but I also need a routine that I can do without most people around me noticing. I have an issue when someone says "have you lost weight" I immediately run for food. So, my accountability will come from strangers online who can say what they want about what they want and I can share with this journal and those in cyberspace my truthful struggle while acting as if I just fell out of bed and started counting calories and wearing a pedometer. I am not "kickstarting" my weightloss journey this time. Have you ever kickstarted something? It's loud and if there's a crowd everyone looks. I don't want that. I just contacted my doctor about my health and her suggestions and talked with my librarian about a walking book that came with a pedometer and is a 6 week adventure. So, in 6 weeks I won't have rock hard abs. But, I'll have more endurance and mobility and will have kept somewhat of an amnemity. I guess I will share with my library and doctor but I really don't want to with friends and family. Because, everyone has the 'best' advice and it's all good but it jumbles up my head and has me running for the fast food. I make a promise to anyone who will listen that I will do this 6 week 'adventure' and I will not run to the sugar and fat when approached about weightloss in person, and I will do my exercise with a smile..even if it turns to a grimace I will not be gloomy about people seeing me out and about.
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