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Its been another odd and inspiring day... my horoscope was:
By calling someone's bluff, he can be made to back down. You've worked hard to get to this point so you must protect your sacred patch. You've been dealt a good poker hand worth going "all in" with.
Oddly, I don't feel I've called anyone's bluff save my own perhaps - but then I'm my toughest boss, so perhaps that makes sense afterall as I've been engaging in over a week of negative self talk which is a habit that I thought I'd kicked. But yesterday, I finally stopped backing myself into a corner and did the hard thing - mainly apologize for being a dork to a close friend. I'm not sure she really understood what I was trying to say - but maybe that was the second bluff I called. I've heard that you can only walk so far away from who you are before you hit the maximum elastic deformation possible - at which point you either become permanently deformed or you snap back to who you are. I've done a really good job of keeping on an even keel since I've been here and being very positive and even mostly taking care of myself, give or take a bit of exercise and down time. But I've been trying to fit in with people who don't have all that much in common with me...and maybe changing myself a bit without even actually realizing it... It was a shock to realize that this person didn't really get me or have any idea who I was... but then I talked on the phone with two long time best friends.. in fact probably the two people in the world who actually understand me better than anyone else and it was something to see the difference. Of course those friendships take time, and I haven't been here very long.
I had another really positive experience on the way home last night that definately has coloured my interpretation of all my chats last night. I ran into a student participating in a workshop this week. It was amazing to see how much they were getting out of the workshop. It totally brightened my view of the world. There are good people in the world and good things going on - there is hope even in the most broken hearted folk that can be fanned into something more...
As for dieting... for whatever reason, I've been ravenous today. I believe I can even say that I'm honestly hungry and diet aside I'm trying to listen to my body. I'm a bit hight especially give the time of day... but I think I'll at least be eating lest than I'm using and maybe a good bit of feeding (like using up my flex points all in a go) will keep my body from going into hibrination mode. Especially since its ruddy cold and I need to keep that metabolism going.
We'll see.. the scale says not much change, possibly a bit up, but I still have 2 more days... and away I go.
Amarok Taigaq
Jennith
Diet Calendar Entries for 19 February 2009:
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1528 kcal
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Fat: 32.74g | Prot: 39.15g | Carb: 274.40g.
Breakfast: chedder cheese, onions, broc, egg, Milk (Fat Free or Skim, Calcium Fortified). Lunch: cabbage, garden salad, rice, stir fry vegetables. Dinner: cabbage, Apples, garden salad, rice, stir fry vegetables. Snacks/Other: fruit source plus, oreo snackers, toblerone. more...
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2227 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 4 hours, Standing - 4 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 45 minutes, Stretching (yoga) - 20 minutes, Dance (fast step, aerobic) - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 6 hours and 25 minutes. more...
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