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I was not home at all yesterday and it really threw me off course, of course. *sigh*
I was with my mom at the hospital for a few hours yesterday, then out running errands and getting things she'll need when shes home until 9:00. Had to eat out a lot yesterday, which made me feel like crap. And I have a sore throat, so i wanted every milkshake/container of frozen yogurt I could get my hands on. *grumble, grumble*
I wanted to say thank you very, very much to everyone who commented on my last journal.
I think i will seriously start taking food with me, like many of you suggested. I have done that before, and people make fun of me in a kind of loving way. It doesnt bother me though, and thats not the reason I dont do it all the time; its just hard to know when/where i am be going, whats available to eat, etc.
Am i going to be home within the next four hours to eat?
Are we going to be near a subway or panda express so i can get a decent yet reasonable meal?
Planning ahead of time is really the key, but sometimes life is just too hectic and unpredictable. Still, I know I can do better than I have been doing.
Dawn had lots of helpful suggestions, and one of them was that I might have a 'last super' mentality. I have in the past. I'll be eating something and make excuses for myself like, "oh well, this is the last time i'll be doing this."
I dont do that anymore. When I am very mindful and pay attention to what I am doing, I can convince myself that I dont need to overeat whatever's in front of me.
A good example is if i am trying to eat when i am not hungry. I'll tell myself, "You're not hungry, and it will be there later when you are." Or when i want something just because someone else has it. My brother will have brownies, and when i want to just dive in and eat one, i'll tell myself, "There will be plenty of opportunity to have that when you have earned it. Now is not the time. Maybe later when you have extra calories one day."
Monitoring myself keeps me from eating everything all the time.
Since I seem to not know the meaning of the words 'moderation' 'portion control' and 'self-control', sometimes it just better for me if i wait until i feel i have 'earned' it.
But of course, that is all when i am 100% on track and in control.
and lately I havent been. Its been a complete 'open the flood gates'/'let everything go'/ 'who gives a shit' train wreck.
I've been stressed and I feel like i have been stretched too thin.
I really need to start working out again too. I havent worked out in almost a whole week. Uggghhhhhh!
Not only have I not had time, but when I do, i feel guilty because I feel like I am neglecting my mom.
My mom doesnt work, she doesnt really do anything. She's a 'stay at home mom' but in reality, i am taking care of her.
I get her all her meals, do her laundry, run her errands, help her with EVERYTHING, take her to doctor's appointments, take her out places, etc.
And i also do all her motherly duties, like take care of my three younger brothers. They're 12, 15 and 17.
I do everything for them as well, including cooking for them and taking them to school or wherever they need to go. Luckily the 12 and 15 year old are home schooled. I seriously think my dad took them out of public school so that they would be home to be my mom's slaves. He travels a lot for work and is only home about every 6 weeks.
When i work out in the mornings she'll always ask me why i am not upstairs spending time with her, and i feel like such a bad daughter.
Its really not fair.
okay, enough of the pity party.
Damn, theres ice cream in the fridge that my brothers need to hurry up and eat, because like i said, i have a sore throat and cookies and cream ice cream tells me it can cure it... i know it lies though >.>
Diet Calendar Entry for 06 February 2009:
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155 kcal
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Fat: 0.63g | Prot: 8.40g | Carb: 32.14g.
Breakfast: splenda, pineapple, milk, light and fit, strawberries. more...
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