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So apparently my mom's scale was broken, we don't know how recently, so this is my real weight.
I'm starting to feel terrible again. Maybe this goes back to me pinning my happiness to people. I don't know. I just thought I'd feel different this time. But I'm not sure I'm still going to be okay by the end of this.
Joren has made comments about my weight. He pretends to be my friend and then he puts me down. I haven't felt this victimized in years. If I didn't have to host competition in a week, I would've sliced my thigh open. But I know I'll be doing a lot of changing soon, and I can't risk being discovered if I were to relapse.
I just want to be skinny. But I don't know how. Sure, I lost all this weight, but I did it in an unhealthy way and therefore my results aren't satisfactory. I need to be eating proper amounts of overall clean foods and exercising. But I don't go to my dad's house anymore, so I don't have the elliptical. God knows I refuse to run in my neighborhood. I don't know what to do now. I feel like I have no options. Maybe when I start driving I'll join a gym and go somewhere far away. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. All I know is a feel awful about myself.
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137.0 lb
Lost so far: 26.0 lb.
Still to go: 17.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 02 February 2014:
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618 kcal
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Fat: 25.09g | Prot: 12.11g | Carb: 91.67g.
Breakfast: In-N-Out French Fries. Lunch: Trader Joe's Reduced Fat Cheese Puffs, Air Popped Popcorn. more...
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gaining 1.7 lb a week
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