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Well, weight is up, of course. I haven't really been trying. Still so emotionally distraught I could care less about eating right or exercising. I am reeling it in again though. Been working out more, and trying to eat a little better, and at least controlling portions. Thanksgiving on Thursday... Ugh. I will NOT overeat. I will NOT stuff myself beyond satisfaction. Need to be as thin as possible by friday, as I am doing a photo shoot with a friend of mine who just started a photography business. Family asked for updated pictures, so I figured I would shell out a little money to get some really good ones, since all the previous ones have been those ridiculous school pictures. Lol.
I am still in a relationship limbo. I have made a choice to try and work things out with Mark, but I am honestly not really feeling it. I hate myself for it. I am still so desperately stupid in love with my ex husband, it's not even funny. Why do I feel that way about someone who at one point made me more miserable than any other person ever has before? And why am I not wanting to be with this great guy who has done NOTHING wrong, never hurt me, only loves me, only wants to be with me... This whole time I have pictured a future with my ex more clearly than I have pictured a future with Mark. Why? I was prepared for a future with Mark, but I guess I couldn't really envision it. Is that a bad thing? Is that my sign that he isn't "the one" for me? And what if I take the risk, lose Mark forever, go back to my ex, and things are just the same? That would be pretty devastating. All these stupid questions running through my mind, I really just want to shut them up.
This is stupid. I am a mess. I need to get my weight back down under 140. That makes me feel better.
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142.0 lb
Lost so far: 20.0 lb.
Still to go: 4.0 lb.
Diet followed N/A.
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gaining 0.6 lb a week
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