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I need to remember to take some progress photos. I did some photos back in January, and some in the spring and some in July but none since I have gotten under 300. Still not used to thinking that. Or writing it. Especially at the gym when you enter your weight in the machine so it calculates calories burned I keep putting 3.. Speaking of the gym though. I wish I had more time, I would love it if I could go a couple days more a week. Yesterday I completely found this zone that I don't recall being in before without being emotionally driven. It was so peaceful and I was working out at a pace that was really good and not feeling that pain/exertion usually I associate with having to push myself. Though I did try a new stretch and I pushed it too far and now my back is all wrong. Cannot wait to see my bf tonight so my back can be rubbed back into place.
I wish I could figure out what my ultimate goal with this is. Usually I lose 20 lbs and am satisfied and give up. And I know this time is different because I am not at all satisfied, and get dissappointed in myself when I over induldge but I havent given up yet :) The thing is. I know its not the idea of being skinny that is driving me. Because honestly I feel comfortable being big it is the only thing I have ever known and it is what protects me from the unknown but it is also what has been my excuse. I want to be healthy and I want to feel comfortable and I don't want to be afraid/anxious about so much. I know alot of me doing this also has to do with the baby want. I try not to think of it because it is so much more complicated than just losing the weight.. but when I feel like giving up lately that is what keeps me going. That possibility. I guess that will do for now.
Happy things from this weekends shopping--new jeans and new dress in my new size 22. :) And we went winter boot shopping and I actually fit into some boots that wouldnt have fit my calf if I hadnt lost that weight. That felt good. Still in search for winter boots still have huge calves and ankles but I am getting there.
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