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Looking over the data of the last year plus on FatSecret, and I am grateful for the changes I have made. I have found a way of eating that I can sustain with very little effort or focus. The weight loss slowed, and a few pounds crept on at school, but considering that it was not something I was attending to, I am happy. I paid attention to what I ate, but I did not concern myself with calories or portions. I ate till I was satisfied, and ate when I was hungry. The bad habit that probably led to the extra poundage was eating nuts or chocolate in the car as I sat in stop and go traffic on my hour-and-a-half to two hour commute coming home. As the commute ended, the pounds are slipping away. Still eating nuts everyday...chocolate more infrequently!
I am regularly eating 2500 to 3000 calories. It is obviously comfortable to eat this much, but even better when I feel good, and my weight is not going up. I am going to try and trim back a little over the summer, here and there, and see if I can start to make the pounds creep slowly downward again.
I am not my weight. It is one part of me, but probably the least interesting part. Weighing a little less makes me feel a lot better. So for that, I am grateful. Eating better makes me feel immensely better and for that I am infinitely grateful. It has given me the energy for a rigorous year. It has kept me heathly through a tough flu and cold season surrounded by people getting sick. It has helped my brain function better, as I took on over a hundred pages of academic reading each week on top of my other work, life and commute.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I have found a path that is working for me. I am not feeling the pressure to "perform" on the scale. The scale will do what it will do. I am feeling motivated by the feedback loop I have with my body. When I consider what I will put in my mouth, if it is not something that I absolutely know is good for me, I will consider what it will do to me or for me. If it has too many negatives, I nearly always choose against it. Feeling miserable becomes a way of being we don't even recognize until we escape from it. Every now and then, I choose to go ahead anyway. But less and less frequently. When I feel like crap because of my choice I am reminded why it is a choice I don't want to make again for a long while.
I have mixed feelings about recording what I am eating on this site. Part of me feels like it becomes too much of a focus in my life if I record religiously. But part of me has enjoyed seeing just how much I am eating and enjoying my food, and how it is breaking the norms of what someone who is being careful about eating "should" eat. It is the dichotomy that I find interesting. I think I will try recording again, but with the sense that the scale matters less than how I feel, and how my health is doing. I like the numbers going down, but it is not the only measure I am using.
Diet Calendar Entry for 01 June 2013:
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2764 kcal
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Fat: 235.76g | Prot: 109.82g | Carb: 55.77g.
Breakfast: Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Now Foods MCT Oil. Lunch: Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Mixed Salad Greens, Cucumber (with Peel), Trader Joe's Greek Kalamata Olives, Private Selection Balsamic Vinegar, Trader Joe's Feta Cheese, Beef Steak, Trader Joe's Fancy Raw Mixed Nuts. Dinner: Trader Joe's Fancy Raw Mixed Nuts, Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, Green String Beans, Trader Joe's Organic Ketchup, Mt. Olive Dill Relish, Cheddar Cheese, Ground Beef (85% Lean / 15% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled). Snacks/Other: Trader Joe's The Dark Chocolate Lover's Chocolate Bar. more...
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