|
Feeling proud. Officially in the 160’s. I have very small bone frame. At my heaviest, I was 345. Just last year I seemed to hover at 205, which was by far the hardest number to break. It required thought and daily execution. Now, it’s requiring me to stare down my negative habits from years and years, and deal with them directly. That has been the theme, this past year: face them demons. I got to carry as much weight as I wanted and my husband still praised and desired me... which is reason number 5,472 why I married him. But now that I’m losing weight and feeling great, and doing it the right way, he’s genuinely proud and excited about it. He use to ask me sheepishly, when I’d complain over a surprising photo, for instance, which revealed my obesity, “What if we just had gym memberships?” As though ghe question itself would be grounds for a fight. In the past, anything food, body, exercise- all of it- were off limits! He watched me, he HELD ME when I destroyed my body with disorder, as he embraced me so lovingly as I struggled to correct my suicidal behavior, meanwhile packing on nearly 100 pounds.
I enjoyed shopping for clothing for the first time in my ED sobriety 3 weeks ago. We went together, and it was the first time I had purchased things in a store rather than ordering them online. And, it was FUN.
These days, Hubby and I have a weekly goal of “Shrimp day” when we decide on a local restaurant and I of course get seafood. He often gets steak, but he’s been indulging in my lifestyle changes more also.
See, in order for me to recover from the grip of ED, I had to relinquish control completely. I have spent 5 years post-treatment (treatment lasted 10 years) not counting calories, fat, sugar, protein, carbs, and not exercising for weight loss. It was beautiful and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I learned how to make a mean meatball (Husband says they’re the best and the baby agrees) and every other food imaginable. I am freed.
Then the reality set in at the doctor. She asked if it was okay to discuss my weight.Old me would have said no. Old me stood backwards on the scale in the doctor for a blind weigh,or I asked to not know completely. But then my doctor, a woman my age and twice my education stood before me and stated with my permission that I was not only overweight but obese.
I already knew.
I cried alone for a few days, and then I made up my mind: I was going to make changes. I couldn’t even articulate at first it was the goal to lose weight- such a dirty phrase that old me was obsessed about. No, I was going to be HEALTHY.
And that’s how I got here. Salads, poultry, fish, vegetables,
Diet Calendar Entry for 04 May 2018:
|
1691 kcal
|
Fat: 50.09g | Prot: 93.30g | Carb: 275.66g.
Breakfast: Friendly Farms Greek Light Yogurt Caramel Macchiato, Friendly Farms Traditional Greek Key Lime Yogurt, Milk (Fat Free or Skim, Calcium Fortified) . Lunch: StarKist Foods Tuna Creations Sweet & Spicy. Dinner: Cooked Broccoli (Fat Not Added in Cooking), Cooked Green String Beans (from Fresh), Oil Popped White Popcorn . Snacks/Other: Halo Top Creamery Caramel Macchiato Ice Cream, Halo Top Creamery Caramel Macchiato Ice Cream, Oil Popped White Popcorn , Pears , Apples . more...
|
|