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Just have had so many aha moments lately. I am going to make it this time! I am finally changing what needs to be changed. My supervisor was short with me when I asked her a question. Instead of patiently answering me, she snapped at me. I instantly went back to the table by my desk (Another food day) and grabbed some sausage and cheese and popped it in my mouth. I then realized what I was doing. Trying to stuff my feelings of inadequacy, anger, etc with food. Grabbed a kleenex and spit it all out. I then allowed myself a chance to process my feelings and went back to the supervisor. Before I could even say anything, she apologized to me for her actions. WOW!
What do I need? All of my life I have focused on others and what they need. I have been surrounded by people who need more that I can give. I gave more that I had to give. Then I had nothing to give to myself, so I ate to stuff my needs. I had some wild sisters that gave my mom some rough times. I was the good little girl and felt I couldn't let on that I needed my mom. I needed to have someone to confide in. Someone to care for my emotional needs. I had none of that because my mom had nothing to give. She was dealing with her own demons and issues. I didn't want to stress her out more, so I stuffed my needs down with food. I need love, caring, support, protection, someone to get angry for me and someone to let myself get angry. I need ME!!!!!! I need to care for myself and my needs.
Diet Calendar Entries for 28 October 2011:
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1418 kcal
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Fat: 56.17g | Prot: 84.90g | Carb: 157.37g.
Breakfast: oatmeal to go high fiber, country crock butter. Lunch: eggs, shredded cheese, kidney beans. Snacks/Other: pure protein shake, fiber one bar, peanut butter. more...
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4143 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Resting - 6 hours, Driving - 40 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours and 50 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours. more...
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