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Got so ticked off today! I felt my blood boiling. I think I have anger or over the top reactions. I've always had them, but now I'm recognizing them and they seem to be more frequent.
I've quit drinking wine regularly since May so I'm guessing having wine is like a release valve for a pressure cooker. Again, I'm guessing.
Nevertheless, I'd decided to take an Ativan. My doc gives me 40 a year and I usually take them when I can't sleep. A prescription lasts me about 2 years. Well, wanting to calm myself down, I took the Ativan and went right to sleep! They are really to calm the nerves and not to put you to sleep. But they did just that. Did wake up feeling better though.
The anger, I know where it comes from. Childhood, being trapped and unable to fully express the anger. It's also my first coping mechanism. (Anger is a secondary emotion, covering fear, hurt or frustration) ,
Really not feeling happy this year. And I have this feeling of just more of the same heading my way, just in a worse environment. (getting older)
Anyway, thinking maybe an anti depressant would help. Never had them, never had any pills. I guess what I need is 'Fun'. Exhilarating Fun. I use to have that in my life where over drinks, we'd laugh till the tears came out. Those friends are dead..literally.
The friends I have now don't share my history, and it's not the same. They are for most part, guarded. And/or self absorbed.
I need to find a good partner in my life, who'll see me as 1) a friend, and someone who wants to build something with me. As it's my desire to start up something, a business, real estate, whatever, so that we don't have to earn money, but make money. It can't be that hard. I see people doing it left right and center.
I think the most important thing in a relationship is that there is friendship through love and fun, and equitable sharing of all responsibilities.
Anyways enough of this! Good night.
Diet Calendar Entry for 06 September 2014:
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938 kcal
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Fat: 26.12g | Prot: 58.29g | Carb: 142.49g.
Breakfast: Coffee, 2% Fat Milk, Spectrum Organic Ground Flaxseed, Kellogg's All-Bran Original, Bananas. Dinner: Bananas, Apples, Sweet Potato, Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Cooked Beets (from Fresh), Hard-Boiled Egg. Snacks/Other: Coffee, Sugar, 2% Fat Milk, Bluebonnet Brewer's Yeast. more...
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