NowIunderstand's Journal, 18 July 2014

I know I'm having a meltdown tonight I feel so hurt! (2) bottles of wine, I want drama, i want to hurt, I want to smash something, but I'm just quietly getting loaded. I've got those safety guards. I want others to feel the pain they've inflicted on me. Damn, I've been so proud of myself for the last 2 months.

Needless to say, I wont be weighing in. Every day is a constant struggle to keep myself proud, moving in the right direction, propping my self esteem up. Then Bang, some things happen that just wants you to lie down and die.

It's like the last straw that got the best of me. Maybe it's karma and I deserve it. Could be, I've inflicted great amounts of pain because I knew no better. God knows, it was never intentional.


I truly believe what Dr. Phil says, 'the healing begins when you believe that the other side is sincere that he/she knows understands and feels the pain inflicted.' Problem is, sometimes the other side does not have the maturity to understand the pain inflicted.






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Comments 
Not smashing things is good. Getting smashed.. not so good but better than some other alternatives. Breathe. Journal. I hope you find a safe way to release your pain. 
18 Jul 14 by member: FullaBella
If you never hurt anybody intentionally than you don't deserve bad karma, forgive yourself. We all make bad choices. When you're already sad, alcohol will only make it worse. A good way to reduce stress is to exercise.  
19 Jul 14 by member: snezica
Alcohol is toxic to your liver, ya know? Please don't hurt yourself! When someone says something that hurts you, tell yourself that they are wrong. They are hurting and they want to hurt someone else so they picked you. Bella and snezica gave good advice. Others will, too. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better tomorrow.  
19 Jul 14 by member: Deb_N
So sorry you are hurting. Now is a good time to list all of the wonderful things about yourself. Number from 1 to 10. List those traits that make you most proud of yourself. Remind yourself again and again that the hurtful "things" are like boomerangs and serve to indicate more about the person who said or did them. I notice that you mentioned John Tesh in a previous journal post. He once suggested that we position our hands in a finger pointing position to observe. He explained that the person who points a finer at another is actually pointing three fingers back at himself. Take care!  
19 Jul 14 by member: Teacher Try
Whomever, or whatever makes you feel like this, you need to detach yourself from. Nobody and nothing is worth going to jail over. Remove yourself from the situation as whatever it is that makes you want to get "smashed" or to "smash something" evidently isn't worth your time. Wish him/her the best and walk away. You can do it. Praying for you. 
19 Jul 14 by member: toppy24564

     
 

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