jsfantome's Journal, 08 November 2010

Oh siblings, don't they just know what buttons to push? Can you have your own low carb thanksgiving? I don't know much about Atkins (it's not very vegetarian friendly), so I'm not sure what exactly you can/cant eat. You have to put yourself first or you'll never get it done. Could you possibly bring your own food to her house? That way everyone could be together, and you could show her that you REALLY have changed your lifestyle... and can adapt to new situations. If she IS upset about your weight loss then, you can prove to her that NOTHING is going to stop you, not even jealous haters. I'm so proud of you, and I hope you find a way for you to all be together, lifes too short to fight over stupid things, especially when moms are getting up there in age. You won't regret it. Good luck, let me know how it goes :) Stay strong and I'm proud of you :) 

Some people really don't want others to succeed when they have failled! People hate being the failure and with you reaching your goal it reminds them that they were not strong enough! Or maybe she does not understand that you need to carry on because you have reached your goal and is thinking one day won't hurt! I would leave it a few days and explain why you can't eat that stuff any more! Would she have catered for you if you was a diabectic or had a nut allergy ect? 

Paula, I haven't come across that this time around, because I think (I hope) that my friends and family have realized that this is the healthies way for me to eat. There are always foods that I can eat, even without a special meal, green beans, salad, and of course turkey. Your sister should know that. Sounds to me like she was trying to pick a fight! One has to wonder what her motivation was for calling and attempting to push your buttons. As Leanne said, perhaps she is jealous and agry with you for succeeding where she has failed. Don't let it get to you. As for your mom, if whe wants to go to your sisters, what about them picking her up and bringing her home after dinner? Maybe you can have your dinner earlier or later in the day than your sis's and mom can celebrate with both of you. Of course the best option would be if your sis realizes she is being unreasonable, calls and apologizes, and you get the chance to explain that you will bring your own food. Hang tough, Paula!! It'll work out!  

It sounds like your sister has some anger that extend beyond your woe. It sounds like you two may have some things to work out. Sorry it is this way. I was thinking I would eat whatever I wanted on Thanksgiving but I am re-thinking that approach now. Each time I cheat it gets harder and harder to get back on the wagon and there are so many Atkins safe foods I can eat that I think I will just enjoy Thanksgiving low carb. I really will miss the dressign but just think... turkey, deviled eggs, green beans, broccoli & cheese... I was thinking of making a broccoli rice casserole but instead of rice make steamed cauliflower and put it through the mixer. I made the mock mashed potatoes with cauliflower last weekend and the mixed broccoli does have a rice consistancy. I think it would be good. Good for you for sticking to your plan... maybe you could text your sis and tell her you would have Thanksgiving with her family if you could bring your own side dishes... but then again if she was cursing at you then it would probably be a really stressful dinner anyways. 

it sounds to me a severe case of jelousy. she is willing to have thanksgiving at here house in order to set dominance and to have the right to sayit will be done her way then she can make the situation miserable so you wont attend with the family then she can say you are willing to leave the family for your self... please don't let her win don't tell her you are bringing your own food just smile say you would love to come and then bring what you need. you will spend time with your family and the thanks that is suposed to be involved with family. if some one is going to be angry and have a lousy time let it be her but don't allow her to manipulate the situatioon to where she can blame you. 

Can I play 'devil's advocate' - thanksgiving food is generally turkey plus veggies plus lots of stuff you can't have. Could you not just eat the atkins acceptable stuff - turkey and some veg - and ignore the other food? That way your mum would get to enjoy her thanksgiving? It really sucks that your sister/family doesn't support your WOE but it is your choice and we have to learn to eat out/in public and eat around what everyone else is doing. The other thought is that you could take your mum there and drop her off and perhaps someone would bring her home? That way you wouldn't have to be faced with temptation and your mum wouldn't miss out. I'm not being unsupportive - I hear you about family not supporting you and it really sucks, but its a lot to ask them to cater to your WOE. As long as they have protein and veg you can eat anywhere. Just don't eat the dessert, don't drink the alcohol. It may be slim pickins' for you but its only one day.  

The holidays are rough all the way around, whether it be at work, or at family's. I disagree with your sister about you being selfish, she was the selfish one by pushing the No Low Carb eating in your face. I do agree that maybe you could compromise with her and bring dishes you can eat, if they don't want to eat them, they don't have to. But like everyone else said, there is Turkey, Veggies, Salad....Pleanty to eat that is low carb, or is she not serving these? 

thanks Ladies - you know, I have thought a little about this since first posting this conversation...and this is what I think. 1) She is older than I am, and just turned 50. (not that that should matter, but she has made it known she is 'feelin' it!'.) And she went out of her way to ask me all about eating Low Carb this past summer - the do's and don'ts, etc...as she really wanted to lose weight before her birthday. She didn't stick w/ it...and the birthday came and went, and she never lost her unwanted weight. So - I am thinking she is feeling a little down about that. 2) Everybody in my family is aware of my WOE - in a good way. My Dad died from debilitating Diabetes - and after taking care of him before his death - and following all of my Mom's issues - I made a personal vow to get healthy. And to stay there. So, when I started losing weight, and when they would see me over the last year or so...they would ask, and I would tell them just what has helped me SO MUCH!!! I think she thinks it's "crap" because it didn't work for her - but I think she didn't really stick to this WOE long enough to make lasting changes. EITHER WAY - I simply do not eat bread, pasta, rice, sugars, etc...anymore. 3) I DID NOT ever ask her to ACCOMMODATE ME - and I wouldn't have - But when someone tries to 'bump up against you' with sort of an invitation - and sort of an insult - it's hard not to get offended. But I have called her back, and left a message on her voicemail. My mom would just love to have a traditional Thanksgiving w/ all of her kids and grandkids...and that is what my sister set out to invite us to...so I asked if she would graciously allow me to accept her invitation, I was sure this would mean the world to our Mom. I am sure there would be something wonderful there for everyone...no need to make anything special on my account...and please let me know if I can bring something...a bottle of wine, or something... Hopefully she will get home from work, and reconsider. (It just really bothers me that she can't just be happy for me...or see the health benefits of having lost soooo much weight...but then I didn't do any of this for her...so in the end, I don't really care if she likes it, accepts it, acknowledges it or anything.) Thanks for your input...and your thoughts and advice. Much appreciated. 

p.s. my own options will be in the trunk when I leave the driveway at home. I am sure she won't turn me away if I show up w/ a low carb casserole in hand! :)))) Family....sheeesh! 

Paula, I'm sorry your sister had to extend a half heart invitation for Thanksgiving. I do not have a relationship with my brother so I am not the best one for advice. I had to end that relationship because it was always unhealthy and he put my kids in danger. But, the one thing we do share is the love for our mother. I am a parent and he is not so I understand that I don't want to make my mom choose. My mom is 82 and I know from her past health history that I am on borrowed time with her. My brother and I split the holidays-this hasn't always been easy. He knows that several holidays are bigger for our family than most and he does his best to make that difficult, especially when life isn't treating him well. I am the one who always has to take the higher road. Mom's in the hospital, on a ventilator and in complete heart failure and I do the right thing and call-leave a message. But when she was across the country with him and in the hospital for 2 days-no call from him. I guess what I am saying is you might have to take the high road. The world would be a better place if people weren't so afraid of someone having something they want. Once again, advice as always is optional. Be the skinny "bigger person" in this scenario. Warmly. Sassy 

We must have been writing posts at the same time. ;-) 

Paula, you did the right thing and your reasoning is sound! You are probably exactly right in your assessment of the situation. Hope everything works out for you! 

Sorry you have to suffer such pettiness from your sister, Paula. Whether you call her back to accept her invitation or call her and invite her to your home for Thanksgiving -- either way, the gesture would be there. In fact, if you invite them over, you'd have a lot more control over the menu. Good luck! 

well, the day is getting better...she returned my call...was glad to have gotten my message...sort of stumbled through an apology...and ended by saying "bring what you want...I just won't be making anything 'specifically' low carb. My family doesn't eat that way." (deep breath on my part...) "OK , no problem...and Mom will be so happy...and I will bring the wine..." As it turns out...this won't even be ON Thanksgiving, but on the Saturday following...so I will be home w/ my own family and my mom to have it any way I want regardless. Maybe I'll stop and grab a burger on the way into town! :) LOL! 

Paula, glad to hear things are working out.  

Paula, glad that things got resolved. Now you can enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday at your house with your menu, and your mom still gets to celebrate with both of you. Best of both worlds, right? 

Gosh, what kind of turkey does your sister eat -- a high carb one?? LOL!! And just about any salad and numerous side dishes would accommodate the Atkins WOE and she can't or won't accommodate a single dish for you besides the naturally zero-carb turkey?? Anyway, I'm so glad that things are smoothing over. If you're feeling esp. generous, you might consider bringing an Atkins-friendly, delish side-dish. She might even like it -- ha ha ha. 

I am sorry Paula, I totally understand, we are having family woe's as well with Thanksgiving, but fortunately it has nothing to do with food for once....Hallelujah, but I think the food issue would be much easier...Hope it all works out for ya. {{{HUGS}}} 

You did great by taking the high road and you still get to take care of yourself in the situation. It sounds like your analysis is probably correct. As they say in AA this food plan isn't for those who want it it is for those who need it. It takes a lot of strength of character to live this way for life. Great job taking care of you and not letting your sister's meanness control you.