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THIS MESSAGE IS OF A VERY PERSONAL NATURE. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS SO I AM POSTING HERE TO BOTH VENT AND TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS GONE THROUGH THIS AND IF SO, WHAT SOLUTION THE FOUND.
My wife was getting ready for work today and she wanted to put some Harry Potter pins on that she got for her birthday Monday. They were weighing down the shirt she was wearing, so I tell her they would work better on a denim jacket rather than a cotton shirt. I go on to suggest she wear she "half jacket" with the shirt. (A long sleeve blue jean coat that come to just below her rib cage.) She gets mad at me for suggesting it and replies, "That doesn't fit me anymore!" Then when I get to work she sends me a text that says, "Just for the record, you now weigh a lot less then me. So, yay."
When I began this weight loss journey, I needed to lose about a 150 lbs and my wife needed to lose about 60 lbs to get to a healthy weight. While I have been working my ass off, however, she has been making excuses. I can no longer share my milestone successes with her because it makes her depressed that I am succeeding and she has not. Our marriage has also taken a turn for the worse. Our physical intimacy level has dropped to zero. The last time we were ... you know ... she said, "This is really weird, you have become boney."
WTF? Yeah, I would love to say, "Screw it all," sleep in, skip the gym, and eat whatever the hell I want. But that is not a realistic solution at all. I have mentioned her going to see a therapist and us going to counseling, but she is like, "when will we have the time? Or the money?" I say we need to make the time, find the money, but it turns into a fight where I am always the bad guy.
I love my wife. We will celebrate our 25th anniversary at the end of March. But I am at a loss at what to do next. If anyone else has experienced this issue, I would love to know what they did to get through this. Thanks for reading.
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 Comments
I was once your wife. You see my husband is a drill instructor and therefore is super fit and slim. In the last 2-3 months he has lost an additional 15 pounds without trying! Me on the other hand Ive gained 18-20 pounds in 5 months. He tried everything to motivate me. Positive and negative feedback. But it didnt help. I needed to want it for myself (badly enough). Now I'm in a place where I want to lost it and Im working towards it. We had a really good convo 2 weeks ago about I only want positive encouragement from him or for him to not say anything at all. He agreed to this. I am doing my best to increase frequency in intimacy. But at the end of it all its truly all on me. I have to make the effort. I have to have open honest and hard convos without shutting down or being defensive. Your wife will need to find this for herself as well before things get better. I am a mental health therapist. I have lots of convos with myself. What I try to do is change my thinking and how I think. Lots of positive affirmations as well. I dont know how helpful this was but hopefully she will see its on her end to facilitate changes. Keep up your regimen and stick with your goals (as well as your wife!). This phase will pass...
28 Feb 18 by member: skewed scale
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I honestly don’t have a solution for you... but I am sending you best wishes. I know it must be very difficult. You are succeeding and she is not... I think it would beneficial to keep continuing the positive encouragement and asking her how you can help. Jealousy is a bitter bug and definitely cause a rift - but deep down she probably wants the best for you, she is just frustrated with herself.
28 Feb 18 by member: SinnaBunz
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Hey Poof, I weigh a lot more than my husband. He has been extremely focused on his health and he recently had a physical and his labs are still great. I had much resentment in his weight loss 2 years ago, but even though he has lost the weight, he has never indicated that I should lose weight. He loves me and I know that I am the world to him. He knows my health problems, he knows that I am fat, he knows I should lose weight to feel better yet he accepts me as I am. He loves me and it shows. I understand the comment about boneiness. Although he still is interested in what I have to offer, I have some trouble with his body. However, since I made promises when I married him, though “sickness and good heath” etc, I now think of it as though “thick and thin”. LOL. Let your wife know how you feel about her, court her (notice i didn’t say wine and dine her), let her know that she is so special to you. Don’t expect her to be happy for your weight loss, but expect her to love you as you are, thick or thin. I hope you are able to convince her of your love because it is not about how we look, how much we weigh, but why we want to be with each other. Take care, Betsy
24 Mar 18 by member: ginger dog
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