Arrevanthas's Journal, 23 December 2014

Woke up with no motivation...no desire to get up and do anything. My friend gave me the kick up the ass needed to workout today but I don't feel like it's enough. Part of this is most likely stress of finances and holidays and part of me feeling pretty low about myself. I have been trying my best not to do the negative self talk but I have found that voice creeping up on me quite a bit so far. The last couple of nights, I forgot to set my UP to sleep mode so that didn't get recorded. Oh well.

Otherwise, I am somehow hanging in there. The sad thing about the loss of motivation is that it pertains to everything...eating included. Like...I will feel hungry so I get up to look for something...and then suddenly, like I just can't be bothered to make myself something to eat so I end up sitting back down. I keep trying to tell myself that this storm will pass...I can get through this and honestly, I think that is the only thing pulling me through at the moment. I don't include my girls in this because everything I do manage to do is for them along with myself.

I want to be a better role model...I want to be that happy, peppy, upbeat person I used to be. I want these things and when I think I have found it again, it shattered usually halfway through the day. A huge portion of this was caused by my ex (father of my youngest) and what he said about me and my oldest daughter. Being a single parent of two is hard...and I like to think I do the best damned job that I can but yet that is where he chose to attack me. Apparently I am so messed up that my oldest is following suit and turning out just like me. And you know...honestly...maybe I am and I just don't see it. Prior ex bfs have said something similar about me (not my oldest) so...I wonder...what is wrong with me?

I guess I should go and try to at least finish this day strong.

Daily Summary
*Focus T25: So I realized that I need to get better shoes to workout in. Like the Cardio, I need to be up on my toes part of the time so I need that cushioning. I don't have the money to get it of course which sucks. But oh well. At least Cardio allowed me to somewhat clear my head.

Plank: I don't think I passed this 60 second plank. I ended up putting my knees down for a brief couple of seconds when I hit the 30 second mark. I managed to push through the rest of the time though.

*Steps Taken (Goal-5000): TBA

*# Cups of Water (Goal-14 cups): TBA

*Record Everything you Eat: TBA

*Stay in Calorie range: TBA

*Park further away: TBA

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100 kcal

Fat: 2.50g | Prot: 1.00g | Carb: 19.00g.   Breakfast: Silk Pure Almond Milk - Dark Chocolate. more...

2773 kcal

Activities & Exercise: T25 Cardio - 28 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 32 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...