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It must be the day
The need to write is overwhelming, out with the feelings.
I don't know if it is pandemic depression, SAD or stress, I am feeling awful today.
Looking at my journal, exactly a year ago it was not any better though we were at the verge of the pandemic. Difference to then - I am not compensating with food!
The day started off with a meeting with my boss that did not go too well. Well, she is not angry or anything like that but at one point I am not meeting expectations. I know it is my weakest spot and have no clue how to change it.
And the thought comes - I should not complain! I have a job, I am healthy, so what's the issue? A combination of little things!
Great I have a job, a job that is overwhelming at times. I am living by myself, pretty much isolated since March last year. Who said this year is going to be better? It did not start off that way!
Tendency is to isolate myself even more. Don't want to go anywhere (and where would one go right now?), will be alone anyway, so why bother.
Exercise - everyone tells me to exercise, it improves so many things.
It is beyond my strengt after a stressful day at work to hit the treadmill, not to talk about any other thing you could do at home.
I made an attempt a while ago and started with beginner's yoga around 9.30/10 am but my calendar and all the things I have to take care of shifted. Gone is the yoga. I forget time and before I know it it is noon and I am starving and frustrated. After work I am so exhausted that all I want to do is hit my recliner and sleep.
The thought this morning- I wish I could retire - does not help. Pretty far away from it and what then? Well, I can't retire now anyway. Another job - tried, no chance.
"Take a day at a time" is something I often see. What good does it do if there is no future?
Diet Calendar Entry for 09 February 2021:
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1612 kcal
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Fat: 119.88g | Prot: 106.53g | Carb: 37.40g.
Breakfast: Boiled Egg, Sargento Natural Sliced Colby-Jack Cheese, Oscar Mayer Fully Cooked Bacon, Tomatoes. Lunch: Beef Brisket (Flat Half, Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Select Grade, Cooked, Braised), BC Hothouse Orange Bell Pepper. Dinner: Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, Buttermilchbrot, BAKED LEMON HERB PARMESAN CRUSTED SALMON RECIPE, Pompeian White Wine Vinegar, Nature's Promise Romaine hearts, Walnut Oil. Snacks/Other: Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, Boiled Egg, Russell Stover Sugar Free Dark Chocolate Pecan Delights, BPT, Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Milk, one Net Carb, Torani Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup, Nature Made Magnesium 400, Nature Made Vitamin D3, Antler Farms Collagen Protein. more...
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