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20 April 2023

06 April 2023

15 March 2023

29 January 2023

So I did a thing I'm not proud of, but yet, I'm not too upset about it either. I feel like it was the right decision for me, yet I feel bad that other people don't understand and are not happy with me. My family had planned to go to Outback in Cary for dinner to celebrate a few birthdays. 4 in our family. I didn't want to go because I don't like Outback at all. It's always so crowded and I've never had a good experience there. Always have to wait so long as well. The plan was to meet there at 5 pm and hope for the best because they don't make reservations. They have "call ahead" seating but you can't call until you are on your way. For several days I went back and forth of whether to go because my daughter wasn't going to be able to go and my niece wasn't either and both of them were ones with birthdays. I felt like it didn't matter if I went sense others weren't coming. More like a "your invited, but not obligated" invitation. I have been feeling really low energy for all week and knew this would affect my sleep schedule and make it harder for me afterward but I ultimately decided I would go and I would make the most of it and have a good time. So I had a good attitude about the evening and my parents picked me and Michael up at 4:15 to get to the restaurant at 5. Shortly after leaving the house my brother called and said the call ahead seating was full and the earliest we would possibly be seated would be 6 but that wasn't even guaranteed. When I heard that I told my parents there was no way I could wait around at the restaurant for that amount of time, probably not even eating until 7 or 7:30. I asked if they would take me home and my dad seemed fine with it but my mom definitely did not understand. I tried to explain that I tried to participate but I would be in such a bad mood if I had to wait that long and I would not be able to socialize. I realize it makes no sense to other people how much I felt like I couldn't do it and I don't expect them to understand. My dad took me home and then they turned around and went to the restaurant. The next day Michael told me that he was supposed to relay the message that "no one is mad" and I probably made the right decision because they didn't eat until 7 and didn't get home until 9 pm. I guess that got me off the hook a little bit but I also know that my mom holds grudges and she thinks I was unreasonable not being able to sit and wait like everyone else. Ultimately I feel like I made the right decision and had to do what was ultimately best for me but I also wish I would have lied beforehand and made up some excuse and not had to let everyone know my anxiety about going.

17 January 2023

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