Klynn82's Journal

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24 April 2019

Ive been eating terribly, but heres my sweet pup trying to take my fruit!!

(10 comments)

06 April 2019

Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe. - Sumner Redstone

If the above quote is true, I should be a success by tomorrow. I am so frustrated right now! I havent weighed in because my scale has shown a consistent 6-10lb gain this week. I weighed in last Sunday at 336.2 and then Monday morning it shows 342.4 and then Tuesday it shows 344.6 and so and so forth until this morning it shows me 346.2...10lbs in a week. I look over my eating and I dont see anything that would cause a 10lb gain. I see me eating under my caloric burn for those of you who swear by CICO and I see my carbs being at 20 or under grams for my keto peeps. I cant win for losing! And I cant lose to win!! I am so frustrated!! I was going in the right direction, I was kicking fats butt and here I am 10lbs heavier. I didnt do any weight training or carb loading. I didnt eat a bunch of junk food and binge in front of the TV. I worked, I walked the dog, I lifted books and did all the things I normally do! Every bite I stuffed into my pie hole I logged...every single thing! People say take a diet break, but I did that over the holidays and it took me almost 2 months to get back in the swing of things.

Overall, I am weak. I cannot control myself when it comes to "diet breaks" and I go overboard and then gain a bunch of weight, hate myself and the cycle continues. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I am just having trouble doing it right now.

Lord, I dont know what to do anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I want so badly to be a person that I can be proud of. Someone that I can look at where I came from and say "wow, you did this" but I cannot seem to find my groove anymore. I think I have it and I get thrown backward. I am tired. I am angry, and I just want to lay down a cry. Lord, I need you. I need help. I dont know what I need to do differently, but Im doing something wrong. Please, please, help me. Please. Amen.

(37 comments)

01 April 2019

Weigh-in: 336.2 lb

lost so far: 168.8 lb

still to go: 86.2 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(11 comments) losing 18.2 lb a week

31 March 2019

Headed in the right direction again!!!

Weigh-in: 338.8 lb

lost so far: 166.2 lb

still to go: 88.8 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(5 comments) losing 18.2 lb a week

30 March 2019

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin

Wow, guys, I cannot begin to tell you how loved and supported I felt yesterday!! I appreciate all the comments and the pushes to keep me in line. I will never give up, I will always keep fighting. I just felt so defeated yesterday, because I had done well with my diet, I had walked a lot during the week. I felt like I had lost weight and then to see the number was higher than the week before, devastated me. What I didnt take into consideration was that my right leg, which suffers from edema worse than my left, was swollen. My pant leg was tighter around that leg, and I could see that it was larger than my left. There was water weight that I did not consider. Today, I weighed in a little happier. I have a long way to go, a long hard path and I know that as I reach the top of this peak, the hills are only going to get steeper and harder to climb. The beginning was easy, my body wanted to get rid of that weight, but now, its trying to hang on to what I have left. Im not going to let it win! I will fight back, harder and more determined than ever! So thank you, thank you for all the love and support. All the reminders why I am here, and what I have said to you in the past. You are all such wonderful friends. I wish that I could hug each one of you, tell you to your face how much your support means to me. All I can do is this, write it out and tell you...you have made my journey so much happier by being part of it. Thank you.

So there were some comments about my carb intake yesterday. One of the things that I hate about the food log on this site is that it doesnt show sugar alcohol, it just shows carbs. There were a couple days that it shows me going WAY over my carb intake, but it was sugar alcohol. I have been very careful about that. I have a Keto shake that I drink at work instead of lunch, and it shows that it has 14carbs in it, but 10 of those are sugar alcohol and 4 are fiber. Also, I have snack cakes that are sugar alcohol sweetened as well. The cheesecake that I made was made with sugar alcohol. I promise you, those days that I was "over" my 20g of carbs, I wasnt truly over them. I may have been close, 19.95 or even 20.02 but never too far over. I didnt take offense, I just wanted to clear it up.

I have some almond flour crackers in the oven right now, I am pretty excited about that. I am tired of pork rinds. haha. I am finding a lot of different recipes that I can try with almond flour and coconut flour that are good for snacking. I get peckish at night, even if I eat a good meal, I feel snacky when we are watching TV or something. I saw that DebbieCousins had a keto cracker that she took a picture of, they looked good, so I wanted something like that. If they are good, I will post a picture and the recipe, if they are gross, I will pretend it never happened.

Today, I pray for strength. I pray for mending of hearts and minds. I thank God for the wonderful people on this site who have lifted me up when I felt so alone and broken. I thank God for the love and support that I have gotten here and I pray that I have been just as good to them as they all have been to me. I pray for the strugglers, the ones who feel at the end of their rope, who want to just let go and give up, I pray strength to their body and mind. I pray for the achievers, who have weekly successes, I pray they are continually blessed in their journey. I pray for blessings to fall on each and every one of us. I pray the Lord wraps his arms around and never lets go. I pray for love, I pray for healing, and I pray for deliverance from the things that are holding us back. In all this, I pray, in the holy name of Jesus, Amen!

I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday, and a great weekend!! We are taking the puppy to get her shots and microchip today. Shes gonna be an unhappy baby girl, but its gotta be done. Shes out of control, chewing, biting! I am learning patience through having to deal with this. Its hard. Anyone have any tips, please let me know. I have tried spray bottles and she just chases the stream, I wap her nose with a paper towel roll, she tries to bite the roll...wits end here!! We are working on her, shes only 3 months old, but man, its a handful! Love you all! Be good to each other!! And as someone so gently reminded me yesterday "Your weight does not dictate who you are, its just a number." I love you all!!

Weigh-in: 341.4 lb

lost so far: 163.6 lb

still to go: 91.4 lb

Diet followed 100%

(5 comments) losing 22.4 lb a week

Klynn82's weight history

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