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AWKWARDLOVIN's Journal

AWKWARDLOVIN's Profile |Send a Message | Weight History

showing entries 1 to 5 of 5

01 October 2021

woke up after a late night of emotional binging. ate a lot of bad stuff yesterday. feel horrible about it. I consistently have a hard time feeling ok with what I eat and if I mess up even a little I snowball with my reaction and do 10x worse than a little blip. I can't help it and it's soo disheartening. I just feel embarrassed

Weigh-in: 277.0 lb

lost so far: 3.0 lb

still to go: 157.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(2 comments) losing 14.0 lb a week

30 September 2021

a slow process. don't feel very beautiful or reformed at all. I feel actually discouraged slightly by how hard it is for me to eat healthier. I feel very much disheartened by the beauty around me. lately i been feeling insanely guilty over my food choices. feeling remorse and regret and shame. feeling like there's no hope for a healthy beautiful me. I have been counting calories incessantly and weighing everything I eat but at night i can't stop the cravings. it'd embarrassing and I am frustrated with myself.

Weigh-in: 279.0 lb

lost so far: 1.0 lb

still to go: 159.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(1 comment) gaining 7.0 lb a week

29 September 2021

today I felt the scale bow beneath my feet. I don't feel any better than how I did yesterday and had a really hard day trying to do this. I tried to do a cleanse today but failed halfway to eat macaroni and cheese and tri tip. I then proceeded to cry and cry and even punch my leg until it was bruised up. I can't cope being in this body I hate so much. I want to have love and be loved too. I can't stand this. I want to throw up so much. I want to cut my fat out. I want to stop being a hideous ugly whale that no one feels any way about. I want to be beautiful too

Weigh-in: 278.0 lb

lost so far: 2.0 lb

still to go: 158.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(2 comments) losing 14.0 lb a week

28 September 2021

i hate myself

Weigh-in: 280.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 160.0 lb

Diet followed 100%

(11 comments) steady weight

02 September 2021

Weigh-in: 280.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 160.0 lb

Diet followed N/A

(1 comment)

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