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its friday.
wooooo! hurray for the weekend! especially this weekend. because I'll be burning tons of calories! My dad is home and he is helping me and my brothers clean the house. And I'm talking hardcore cleaning, too.
Last night was not a good night... ugh. Okay, *sets the scene*...
I'm running on the treadmill, when I hear the door bell ring. My dad answers and its social services. Apparently, my brothers homeschooling program called them because his teacher thought him, my 15 year old brother, and my mother(!!!?) had poor hygiene.
The lady brought a nurse, who checked my 12 and 15 year old brother for lice... but they just have dandruff. They even told my dad that their teachers complained that every time they saw my mom, she displayed poor hygiene.
I felt so embarrassed for my mom... honestly, to have someone tell you they think your kids are being neglected and that you have b.o...
thats awful. My brothers are certainly not neglected. They are just not disciplined. And my mom... she doesnt think shes done anything wrong. I feel terrible for her.
Last night she started raging and claiming 'everyone blamed everything on her'. Thats not true. No one said a word to suggest that, and she was the only one upset and yelling.
She was going to leave again last night. I'm honestly more annoyed with her than hurt or angry, but my feelings are still mixed with empathy and love. thats probably the only thing keeping me from telling her off.
I felt like absolute dog shit last night, both physically and especially emotionally from being yelled at by my mom. I think I started to binge, but stopped myself. At dinner, I was so scared I was going to eat too much and get sick and depressed and just want to eat more. We had chicken Parmesan, which is a BIG comfort food for me.... anything with saucy pasta, chicken and oh we had a side of rustic rolls from a local stores bakery. I didnt want to chance it. I just skipped it and opted for something lighter. I felt much better, despite all the chaos I was enveloped in. My mom even made a comment about my weight while social services was there. Seriously, what the hell? When she turned around, I gave her the bird. >.>
But I didnt binge. I didnt purge. I took a really big step, made conscious effort, and feel in control.
YAY!
Okay, off to burn some heavy duty calories. The rest of you better relax over the weekend :p
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 Comments
i know i don't know everything but that sounds like a really destructive atmosphere to lose weight or even live in :( but congratulations on not binging or purging :) *hug* stay strong you can do this
12 Jun 09 by member: SelinaMinus60
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I am extremely proud of you. Like me and (I suspect) many other here, you are an emotional eater. You showed incredible maturity by not letting your mom's mood affect your commitment to yourself. That is not an easy thing to do. Most people REACTE to life, not ACT on life, but you acted. You chose. I am so proud of you. Your mother has her own path and it is right of you to know she is separate from you. One day, you will leave home and define the life you have always wanted. You'll still love your mom, and you may even be close, but it will be easier to live the life you choose and not react to her emotions and choices. I wish you all the best. I've been there. Believe me, it gets better.
12 Jun 09 by member: brittiful
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Keep on trucking, you can do this! Clearly you are a strong individual. Don't give up and congratulations on how far you have come!!!
12 Jun 09 by member: pastagurlie
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Fantastic job in handling a very stressful situation in a way that was not self-destructive!!! You really are "growing up" my favorite girlygirl!!! Such a proud moment ... even though it was painful you experienced the pain without hurting yourself. I am so very proud of you!!! There's a huge HUG coming your way through cyberspace!!! See ... you CAN do it. You ARE doing it!!!
14 Jun 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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You said " But I didnt binge. I didnt purge. I took a really big step, made conscious effort, and feel in control." I am SO GLAD you feel in control. What a nice feeling. As for your mom, just let her go and deal with things herself. Its her life, she needs to take control and soon. I'm sorry that social services had to come to your house-- what a hassle. I hope the rest of your week is fantastic!
17 Jun 09 by member: lgatzke
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