Crystalpluto's Journal, 07 August 2013

I'm down to my HS weight, haven't been here in 5 years. It makes me scared since I always feel like im going to fail and shoot right back up in my weight since its happened every other time like this. I'm actually having anxiety thinking about the possibility of going below 200lbs and have nooooo idea why. Maybe its because I cant take another failure in my mind, or its because im used to being the fat girl and im comfortable with my identity. I do worry about having hanging skin and saggy deflated breasts. I think I'd rather be fat with nice breasts than skinny with ugly ones. I definitely have some issues to work out. Another thing i'm struggling with is that my hunger varies from day to day. Yesterday all i ate was a large baked potato with some coconut oil, an apple and 2 tbls of peanut butter, and a chicken breast and was perfectly satisfied. Then there are days like today when all I can think about is food and how hungry I am. The volume difference my body craves from day to day is pretty astonishing and confusing...who knows..as long as I'm losing weight who cares right?

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