madaboutmoose's Journal, 10 February 2013

Just pretend like this is Monday ... Because this is my Monday journal!

DH is still up, watching a movie I think though it just got very quiet. Guess it was a BS old documentary according to the commentary I just heard from the living room. He picked up some DVDs from the library on Friday. He has not yet taken up residence in our room. So me and Blue are on our own. Yes Blue prefers me. Why? Well probably because I am the care taker, the one who tended to him as a puppy. Works for me. He is actually sleeping in DH's spot! LOL

I don't know where he and I are these days. Most of the day is cordial enough. Like roommates who have lived together for a long time. I've done well at not being too stressed about it. I do feel heavy in my heart though that this Friday is valentines day. We wouldn't be doing anything even if we hadn't had this crisis, he works nights and I work days but with each ad on the radio about doing something special for your sweetheart I find myself wondering if he still considers me the love of his life. I wonder about his feelings for me. I don't doubt his standing by my side, I doubt his heart. Does that sound weird? Oh well. It is what it is.

I did the laundry on Sunday and decided to tackle the shower. OMG. That ended up being much more work than I anticipated but once I started I couldn't stop! It looks pretty darn good now but wore me out! I made up for it by eating too many cashews and a couple of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies! DH made fish with bell peppers and onion for dinner. We warmed up some leftover rice we bought from Trader Joes last week and I made a nice dinner salad. It was excellent. Did up the dishes so this morning I didn't have to face them.

Work today (remember if you are reading this Sunday night I am pretending it is really Monday morning!) isn't too heavy. An appointment at 11 another from 3-4:30 a and paperwork in between. My training though us drawing nigh and I need to get on the stick about that. DH being home this week really messed with my schedule. When he is here he wants to watch TV in the evening and wants me to join him. So. No work. Yes I could tell him I had something else to do but I've not wanted to rock the boat. Since that is some of the most cordial time we've had this week.

He'll be home Tuesday night but I'll have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to kick butt.

Grateful.

Good food
Persons of Interest on DVD.
A much cleaner shower.
Listening to my dog breathing, curled up in DH's spot on my bed.
Having moms car here ( since my battery died )
Things that relax me.

I'm hoping for a good week. Not sure I will see 199.8 by Friday but I do hope to see another drop. Probably not Monday morning though after my cashew fest! Continuing, ever so imperfectly, to practice kindness to myself. A wise man told me once, rupture is inevitable in relationships, repair is optional. My prayer is DH and I will choose repair. I'm doing what I need to do to take care of me ... The rest ...is not up to me. Take care my dear ones!