You know I used to weight 180lbs. I hated myself and thought I was horribly overweight. Guess what, I now weight 262lbs. I took for granted that I wasn't fat, but needed to stop my obsessive eating compulsion. Granted my mom was making me depressed and tearing down my self-esteem, but you need to love yourself and stop putting yourself down. If you continue this downward spiral, then you will continue this vicious cycle of gaining and losing and gaining more. Maybe you need to talk to some friends about how your feel about yourself or your family. Having support is very important. I hope that this is a little help.