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Hey fatsecret friends. So let me tell you about my plans for this weekend.
Friday after work I am going to drive the hour drive to my boyfriends and we are going to go to Joe's Crabshack and I am going to try crab for the first time...I dont know if I'll like it or not. I'm going to just eat a salad with it...stay away from the fries. After dinner we are going to go see the movie 21 Jump Street which I am really excited about because it should be really funny and channing tatnum is SO hot! Then I'll spend the night there.
I told my boyfriend about how I want to start doing more active things...that I am really health conscience and me spending so much time with him is taking a toll on my workout schedule so we need to do more active things together. He agree'd and wants to start making healthier choices too (but he is already REALLY slender...6'2 and about 170 pounds) So anyway, thats why Saturday we are going hiking up Stone Mountain. I've NEVER hiked up it, we've always just rode the sky lift up. It is a steep 1.3 mile hike up then walk it back down then we are going to walk some of the walking trails too and I'm going to pack us a healthy picnic style lunch (or maybe just stop at subway before we go and ill carry it in a backpack for us) I'm really excited about Saturday. And he said we will start doing things like this EVERY weekend.
On Tuesday after work this week I went and saw Todd and had dinner with him. I told him about my heaviest weight ever...and how I was over 300 pounds in the summer and now I'm under 200 (so what i fibbed by 2 pounds...i've definitely fibbed by over 50 before so I don't feel THAT bad about it) Anyway Todd was in disbelief that I had ever been THAT big...and it was only 8 months ago. It felt so good to get it off my chest though I didn't want to keep it a secret from him because I'm sure he'll see pictures and stuff...I didn't want it to be a total shock to him when he did.
So my question is, anyone who has lost a MASSIVE amount of weight and got in a new relationship, when and how did you tell your new boyfriend or girlfriend about the old you? OR if you got in a new relationship with someone and they told you about how they recently lost 100+ pounds, would it make you feel any differently about them? Good feelings, bad feelings, or mixed? What if they never told you and you stumbled onto pictures of them morbidly obese and you had no idea they were ever that heavy?
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 Comments
Sarah - so glad you found someone you truly like, and you're going hiking!!! That is such a great thing! Having fun together, and getting ACTIVE things involved in your fun time... outstanding!!! Never had the issues of the last few questions, gained and lost...all while married to the same guy...so he's seen it all. But I can't imagine anyone would be anything but proud of you! You're doing awesome!!!!!
22 Mar 12 by member: jsfantome
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Crab is delicious! Your weekend sounds like it will be amazing :) Your weight loss is a huge accomplishment, and with it you can do anything, It is probably a shock to someone who didn't know because you are so beautiful. But as long as you keep your healthy ways it shouldn't be a problem. With my weight loss I don't feel ashamed of how much I used to weigh, I'll tell anyone, Its such an amazing accomplishment. I know your relationship is new, but a good man will love you for you, and not for what you look like. So let him fall in love with you, and your weight will not be an issue.
22 Mar 12 by member: serafano
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Sarah I too struggle with the do I tell him, when & how do I do it. I've not - if you can believe this - had a serious boyfriend. For me the new romantic partners I've told have went like this:
1) He met me right before my skin removal surgery - so I had to tell him I was having an operation so he would know why I was out of commission for weeks. I REGRET it! I told someone who wasn't special to me something very personal. He just met me at the wrong time.
2) any other guys I've gotten romantic with me have been friends first, so we've had the discussions about what we were like in the past. Usually their response is disbelief.
3) Guys who knew me when I was fat can't and will never be able to see me as anything else. There's one i wanted to date until he told me this and crushed that idea.
Current (hopefully still) boy toy I haven't told. He's not asked about my scar. Not sure if he noticed it or not.
I worry that if I tell people they will feel different - like she used to be a fat slob, what's to keep her from gaining it back. Heck, I wonder myself. I mean I'm up 20lbs from my lightest. I guess regular friends would be impressed and respect you for it. Guys we're dating I'm sure the worries cross their mind. The weight I lost is always with me.
22 Mar 12 by member: JessWhatINeeded
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Sarah, I love that you told your new boyfriend. From the way he sounds he likes you for you and I don't think it will matter. Going hiking and being more healthy in general is better for everyone fat, skinny and in the middle! I hope your hike is awesome! As for he last questions I struggle with that too like Jess. I've never had a serious relationship and every guy that I've dated I, now realize it was sometimes them sometimes me, thought they were ashamed of me so I always kept it quiet. I've never brought a guy home or introduced him to my friends EVER. Now, I after losing almost 75lbs I think I have to tell someone that I am serious about (serious only!) about my past, only to; like you said get it off your chest but so that they understand why I am/was so insecure. I do think that a lot of guys will have the she was fat before so will she get fat again question (granted I'm still fat now so they've gotta deal lol). As for guys seeing me only as fat who I've known forever, I see the opposite. I see them look at me with eyes WAYYYY different than before lol it's just different sometimes it annoys me cause really I've always been me and other times it gives me a little pep in my step cause I smile adn in my head say not gonna happen! I always vowed to my friends I would never date someone from my town because everyone is in your business. The real reason is becaue I don't want them to know my lack of relationships and insecurities...I think that as the weight comes off there is so much we are learning about ourselves that sharing it is important with someone that is important to us merely so they get it (at least kinda lol).
Sorry for taking up so much space and this site makes me admit the truth to you guys instead of the same things I've spouted to my friends for yearrrrrrrs. It's scary, and I like it!!!
22 Mar 12 by member: orchidannie
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Sounds like it's going to be a fun weekend! I saw 21 Jump Street on Friday and it was HILARIOUS! Hiking is so much fun - my bf and I recently got into mountain biking and it is a BLAST. I'll occasionally go hiking with one of my girlfriends, too... anything to be outdoors! That's so great that he's supportive of your healthy lifestyle. When I met my bf, I had recently GAINED 50+ lbs. Talk about "if you can't handle me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best". We started dating, I got comfortable, and 1.5 years later was up another almost 40 lbs. I'm down about 30 of that, so I have another 10 to go before the weight when we had started dating.. at least I'll be back in our cute "first date" outfits soon!! lol. When I first met him, though, I thought for sure it wouldn't go anywhere, was so low on myself thinking I was too overweight. I mean, I had gone from being a skinny minny to obese in less than a year, and he had first met me when I was at my small weight. It just goes to show what a good guy he really is. I think that meeting a guy and being able to tell him you've lost weight should be so highly respected. It just goes to show that you're working your butt off and have 100+ pounds to support that. Wear that badge with pride!
22 Mar 12 by member: Katiekinz
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I think it's awesome that you told the bf you needed to be more active together. The hike is an awesome idea and a good date idea if you ask me. Hope you have fun. Sounds like an amazing weekend.
22 Mar 12 by member: coachcj8
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I'm not too sure how I feel about your question, maybe that's because I have always been fat (and haven’t lost 100+ pound YET!). One thing I know is that I can't wait to show off my success to all the people that knew me when I was a fat ass lol. But if I was to start in a brand new relationship right after I lost all of my weight, I’m not too sure what I would do. That's a hard call. I guess if you really like him and what things to get serious, it's better to have everything out on the table (honesty is always a good thing). But what if that makes him look at you in a different way, or treat you in a different way, like Jess said in her comment? I guess if that happends, then at least you know what he's about right from the get go. My guess would be that unless he was in searching for "Miss Perfect", it wouldn't really make a difference, especially if he really liked you!
22 Mar 12 by member: Tarla
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I don't know what to tell you about the big weight loss/telling a significant other situation, but what I CAN tell you is that crab legs are the most amazing thing in the WORLD!!!!! YUM!!! I love them so much. Delicious. I'm super excited for you and your weekend plans - sounds like so much fun!!
22 Mar 12 by member: erika2633
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Tarla...You WILL get there just keep up the good work and stay on track! You are married so you won't be in the same situation I am in, but the reason I asked the question is because I feel like 90% of the men who would date me now wouldnt have even looked at me twice before I lost my weight. And that really hurts because I am still the same person on the inside...but it's just the truth.
sera and erika-I'll let you two know how I like the crab!
orchidannie- I know exactly how you feel about insecurities. I still feel like I'm a 333 pound girl but I'm only a 200 pound girl now and I have all those insecurites. I do not feel sexy at all ever really. Then when I look in the mirror sometimes I have to do a double-take. IT's the strangest feeling in the world. I look in the mirror and it looks like a girl I used to have just been envious of, but its ME!
Jess-It really is a sensitive subject but its a part of us, and if we want to be completely honest and 100% in a relationship with a guy we need to tell them about all of us and us being morbidly obese once just comes in that package. Make sure its the right guy though, cause putting yourself out on a limb like that theres always a chance of falling off and getting hurt. Be sure he wont hurt you first. You're such a funny and beautiful nice girl, you're GOING to find the right guy out there for you. That goes for you tooo orchidannie!
22 Mar 12 by member: sarah_cook2007
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Thanks kid. True that. I find it hard to believe anyone is every really interested in me. Lucky girl you are with what you've got going on right now. Of course if anything is serious a guy would have to know. I spent 26 years of my life in a fat suit. There's the photographic evidence to prove it!
22 Mar 12 by member: JessWhatINeeded
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Sarah, it's sad but your probable right about that. Some guys are jerks and judge a book by its cover (so to speak). Believe me I had my share of men look right past me, and I'm glad you found a real man! LOL you’re so funny Jess!! Fat suit! That’s too funny! Orchidannie and Sarah, you girls are beautiful and doing an amazing job, I hope that these insecurities pass quickly and you both realize that you are sexy ass women!!
22 Mar 12 by member: Tarla
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TARLA you will get there, especially they way your moving!!! Thank you guys for your kinds words, I've said it once I'll say it again I am a cry baby (at books, movies, commercials, a cute youtube vid lol) and the sweet words made me tear up I'm such a girl LOL All this positivity can only lead us all in the right direction, weight-loss, love, and general happiness lol
22 Mar 12 by member: orchidannie
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i've been overweight most of my life.. but i've never had my weight really affect my relationships... i've been in relationship mode since i was about 15, and only had a short stint single since then... so i've never really had a choice but to say "this was me before".. my gf has known me since highschool, and after like 10 years we reconnected and she saw me now but i show her pics of me when i was at my heaviest and all she does is shake her head in disbelief and commend me for being strong-willed to not stay that way... she loves me regardless, however she does what it takes to make me happy. anyone that you are with that really cares about you would NOT care about what u looked like before.. i can't even imagine someone not be like man i'm a lucky person to be with you... my gf tells me all the time that i'm the strongest person she knows b/c of how hard i worked to change the course of my life.. anyone that doesn't appreciate that you lost over 130 lbs (in ur case sarah) doesn't deserve you... based on the US obesity rate, we have the odds against us and you fought back.. i do feel you on the whole "they wouldn't have talked to me when i was overweight" deal.. i did start getting much more attention once i lost weight, however, preferences are just that... and just be happy and PROUD that you are beautiful in and out.. :)
22 Mar 12 by member: Naiomy
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Great plan I didn't climb the mountain last time I lost all of my weight. I jogged the base which is actually hilly and pretty long. We live in mcdonough ga.
22 Mar 12 by member: Big Orr
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My boyfriend lives in mcdonough. I live in Macon. I spend every weekend up there though
23 Mar 12 by member: sarah_cook2007
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