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From July 13th, 2009:
I made it through the weekend. On Friday, I began looking at the Weight Watchers system. I've never looked at it before, and it made a good deal of sense to me. So I did a bunch of research and am attempting to use their system for a couple of weeks before I kick out the money to join.
My husband and I are still a bit tense, which is understandable. At first, I was so angry, and frustrated. But that doesn't help anyone, so made a conscious decision to let it go. Forgive, but not forget, as they say. However, this whole incident has brought out some of the things in our relationship that aren't exactly perfect. For anyone into Myers-Briggs personality types, he is an INTJ and I am an ESFJ. What this means is that he is logical, rational and likes to try to figure stuff out and fix stuff. He loves to point out flaws in systems, whether it's a computer program he is working on, or the steps I take in the morning to get ready. He is all about reason and efficiency. I, on the other hand, am emotional. I need affirmation that I am loved and cared for, and that what I am doing is right. Maybe you can see how we work (or don't work) together. I've told him recently that I need him to be more affectionate - since he had an affair, I need to know that I am loved and wanted by him more than ever. He doesn't get that - he doesn't understand how telling me he loves me 10 times a day makes any difference at all. But it does. I don't know why -I'm not logical and rational.
This morning, he was in a foul mood. We had a couple of drinks late last evening, and whenever I drink alcohol close to bedtime I end up having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Of course, I had to get up at around 2, and that woke him up. He then couldn't get back to sleep because I snore really loudly. The snoring is caused by drinking before bed, and also because of my weight. I am working on my weight, and told him I am not going to drink before bed, but I don't know if that is enough. I even mentioned sleeping in another room, but I really don't want to do that, especially given our recent troubles. I don't know what to do on this point. He has earplugs, and says that they help, but he doesn't put them in until he's at his wit's end. My snoring seems like one more thing for him to dislike me for. And because of my personality type, I wish he would temper his criticism with some caring words. Because of his, he sees adding caring words as unnecessary and not meaningful.
Anyway, it's been a tough week or so. I'm trying really, really hard to not be bothered by the aspects of his personality that he can't control (but at the same time, I really wish he'd try a bit harder). Through all of this, I've actually been sticking to an eating plan that feels good - it feels like it's working for me. I've been drinking lots more water, and going for walks at work on breaks. We've been spending a more time outside at the dog park, so that's more walking.
I'm going to try to put a menu together for this week that we can both enjoy. This won't be easy, as he is underweight and trying to gain, and I am obviously trying to lose. He also can't eat much dairy, so stuff like low-fat cheese and yogurt has to be kept to a minimum.
Gah. This is hard. It's times like this I wish I were religious so I could put all the burden I am feeling on to someone else. But I'm not a religious person, and know that things will eventually get better, if I work at it hard enough. So far, I am doing a good job. It's working for me this time, because I'm working harder than ever before.
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 July 2009:
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1052 kcal
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Fat: 19.25g | Prot: 55.48g | Carb: 163.54g.
Breakfast: coffee. Lunch: Strawberry Nonfat Yogurt, Lean Cuisine Baked Chicken. Dinner: Lemongrass Chicken with White Rice, Thai Cantaloupe Salad. Snacks/Other: Starbucks iced coffee, Starbucks iced coffee. more...
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3035 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 10 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 50 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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