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i just want to have a normal relationship with food, sometimes.
i mean idk if i really WANT that becos i don't want to get fatter again,
but this is just shitty. i mean i don't feel very normal.
probably because i'm not.
i mean food and calories and excercise and weight CONTROL MY LIFE.
seriously it's fucking pathetic.
is a mere number enough to define me?
never thought it would be, but here i am.
'my worth is measured solely according to the scale; i am heavy, i feel frail.'
-maria mena (eyesore)
^ uhhhyeaaaah.
whatever, im done fighting it.
anyway, i went shopping on the weekend. im down to a size 3. :)
that was originally my goal size. in 6-ish months ive gone from a size 11 to a size 3. and tbh i thought id be HAPPY in a size 3. I mean a size 3 is small. But not on me :/ im still large.
One day i wanna fit into my little sister's size 0 jeans.
I don't wanna be the fat sister forever.
Breaks my heart cos people keep telling me how jealous they are of my progress, and how small i've gotten..
but i CANT see that. I mean I can see I've gotten smaller, but actually SMALL?
I can't see it. I still feel large. This is shittttt.
I gained like a lb back. :( probablyc os i have my period, which means bloatedness and i eat more when im on it. It's really depressing. My goal for before uni was originally 115. Im changing it to 118. That's 3-4 lbs in a week. I can do that.
Wish me luccccck.
... sorry for the rant, if anyone's reading this. Just wanted to be honest somewhere =x
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 Comments
You gain and lose a pound daily, don't freak out over that much.
Don't think so much about being thin as being healthy. Your body is a gift, and you need to treat it with love and respect. This means not filling it with junk, but also not starving it.
I would seriously suggest talking with your doctor about your concerns with your relationship with food. You don't want to get too involved that you develop an eating disorder.
31 Aug 10 by member: Starshouting
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Thanks for the concern, it's really sweet of you to commenttt. Tbh, I've been terrrible with food, and I treat my body like absolute shit lately. I mean there's no way I could lose THAT much in a healthy way. I mean there probably is, but I know I'm not doing my body any good. :/
01 Sep 10 by member: watchmefade
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From looking at your diet history, I think I can see your problem. You're actually eating too FEW calories. With the amount you're eating, your body literally thinks that it's being starved, and is holding on to every calorie it can. Without fat and protein, your body will have a hard time running, and you may feel jittery and weak. Also, you will not be able to lose weight until your body stops thinking it's starving.
Your body needs calories, but the good kind, ones that will have nutritional value to back up the amount you're eating. Whole grains, lean meat, beans, etc are the best for this. Beans are the best thing for this; they contain protein, fat, and carbs. If you can learn to like bean and cheese burritos, they're a good way to get what you're body needs.
02 Sep 10 by member: Starshouting
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i actually love bean burritos :x
but i freak out eating anything that actually fills me up. i know how stupid that sounds, but idk how else to word it >.>
02 Sep 10 by member: watchmefade
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