Multiplicity1's Journal, 29 August 2010

I managed to clean most of my living room but I still need to work on my bedroom. I decided today that spending every day on a new language is too difficult - too many vocabularies running together in my mind. So I am going to stay on each language for 4-7 days before I move on to another one and I will study Spanish every day because that is the most immediately useful. I did my Bible study - two kinds today and my other spiritual reading. I did my AA meditation. I still have to do my prosperity mediation, study some more Hebrew, and do my DVD exercises if I can convince my daughter to leave the living room for 1/2 hr. I did walk 45 minutes.
My husband is still having bad symptoms every day but all I can do is pray for him to get a quick and accurate diagnosis. It is frustrating and scaring but I am trying to channel all that negative energy into positive new behaviors.
I went to mass yesterday and it was wonderful. I haven't been in years. I actually got chills when the priest did the consecration of the wafers and the wine. To me it is truly changed into the body and blood of Christ by the consecration. I was so happy to receive communion - I felt blessed for a long while afterwards and felt very close to Jesus and God. I can't wait to go to mass again. I am going to go again tomorrow morning at 8:15a.
I am getting up around 5a and probably staying up so I can be ready for mass. I need more time these days for all my new projects. Sometimes I worry I am becoming a bit hyper...
I've been actually thinking that my depression may actually get better enough for me to go back to work. I have been doing well for at least a couple of weeks. I want to get rid of a lot more stuff around here, make sure the depression is completely on the mend and try to lose about 40 more lbs. before I go back to work. It will be a lot harder to keep my food priorities in line once I get back to work. It would be ideal if I could wait until I've lost all the weight before I go back but I think I probably need to go back to work sooner than that. I was thinking about doing a resume and trying to get a job and I almost had a panic attack. I know I'm not ready now. I still can't handle normal amounts of stress yet but I'm getting stronger. I've decided I probably won't go back into social work even though I have a master's degree in it. I don't think I can mentally handle it anymore. I'm thinking I'll try to get a job working in a bookstore. I've always loved books and I have several hundred at home. The only downside with working at a bookstore is that I'll spend some of my paycheck on books. And to me that isn't a downside.
I feel bad that I didn't do my DVD today. I tried to do it an hour after I got up but I just couldn't get going. I have to be more awake to exercise...If I don't get it done today tomorrow is a must.

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1114 kcal

Fat: 76.07g | Prot: 52.79g | Carb: 69.07g.   Breakfast: Splenda, Baking powder, Cinnamon, Egg, Flax seeds. Lunch: Green papper, Avocado, Cheddar cheese, Lettuce, Tomato. Dinner: Blueberries, Greek yogurt. Snacks/Other: Watermelon. more...