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20 September 2016

Weigh-in: 283.6 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 33.6 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet Calorie Count   losing 7.7 lb a week

31 August 2016

Weigh-in: 305.5 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 55.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet Calorie Count   losing 5.0 lb a week

26 August 2016

oOOOOOOoOOOk.

Day one of Optifast "full". 4 shakes and a bar. I would have done the 5 shakes but one of my medications has to be taken on a full stomach, so I have a bar when I get home from work and take it.

I feel like shit.

I'm not hungry, but I've gt what feels like a sinus headache that goes into my jaw. And I'm dizzy. This is what the first 3 days of Optifast "light" did to me, as well. But I was worse that first time around. I don't remember driving home. At least I'm alive and I remember the trip!

It's not the Atkins or Keto flu, I've been through that. That was 10X worse. I was dizzy and crampy, and I had migraines from the carb/sugar withdrawal. This isn't as bad- which I definitely keep telling myself. I'm a strong person, and god knows I'm going to need my strength after the surgery! This to shall pass, and in a few months I'll be feeling better and living better, and enjoying my changing body. And this will be just a memory.

Don't get me wrong, I don't picture myself as some kind of female adonis, snacking on fibrous veggies and instantly hating things like cookies. I just think the motivation will come after all this hard work really starts to pay off. And this damn headache abates.

Anywho, goodnight (finally)!
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24 August 2016

So. I've beeen following the last 3 weeks of Optifast "light". shakes, 1 bar, and a salad with bked chicken and light italian dressing. Of course I had a REALLY bad eating weekend, and as my surgery is in...shit, less than 2 weeks, I gained .5 pound, and I need to just keep losing for te next 2 weeks. It's the liver shrinking, but it's also the mental preparation. And I was watching one of my favorite movies- Trainwreck- and Amy says something at the end when she's talking to her sister about why she is the way she is, because she's never believed she deserved more and I know that this eating problem I have, and a lot of people have, is based on emotions. I eat so much and what I do, because...I don't feel like I deserve or am good enough to ave relationships. Real, committed, long term, intimate relationships. I have fun, and I shrug it off, or I let it burn inside while acting like nothing matters or bothers me on the outside. And then I spend my VERY little money on food that will, eventually, kill me.

So I'll have 80-85% of my stomach cut out in less than 2 weeks. And I'm terrified. I wont be able to fall back on these habits- I'll have to figure out something else. Something new. Something helpful. I want to be healthy and I want to give myself a chance to be happy- really happy. And let's be honest, being thin will help me feel better- more confident, less self conscious, stronger and more able to handle the negatives in life in OTHER ways. I know I'm going to need support. I know I need real help. I know all of that. But what I really need to do is become the person I've always wanted to be.


Weigh-in: 310.5 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 60.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (8 comments) on diet Calorie Count   losing 1.3 lb a week

18 July 2016

Today was my mom's 65th bday, so lucky her got to take me to my preop endoscopy this morning! And then we went to IHOP. Looking back on it, we could have split everthing, instead of just splitting the bacon and hashbrowns, but it was nice to be with her, and I'm still under my calorie goal for the day. I'm going to be a little over it with drinking .5 cup of milk tonight to take my medication with, but I'm comfortable with it.

I actually felt pretty crappy after breakfast, but I think that was a mix of the sugar/fat and the sedative wearing off and my lack of sleep/caffeine (since I'm cutting out caffeine). They did find a hiatal hernia, so I'm going to start taking an acid reflux medication, and I'm sure they'll fix it if they have to during the bariatric surgery. I'm part of this awesome fb group from women who've had WLS and it's getting me SUPER excited. I can't wait to see where I am a year from now- and considering I'm the kind of person who didn't want to think about next month much less next YEAR, so this is a little exciting.
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