Sweet Ce's Journal, 12 July 2013

Hello World. I'm in agony here. I don't know if it's all in my head or what but there's such discord with my Love that he his now my Nightmare. We can't seem to communicate and the distance is a problem, too. His expressions seem foreign to me at times and I can't get past the idea that he's been looking for a way out all along... today he said, "I have been trying to make a decsion." And my knee-jerk reaction wanted to respond: Really? Don't trouble yourself, I gotcha covered. Decision made, you're history dude.

My guy friends say, give it time. My women friends say, he doesn't deserve you. My heart whimpers: I'm broken, fix me...

And, because I'm on this site, my tummy says, don't shove anything down my throat you don't want coming back up in a while. But the other body parts are like: chica, feed us something, even a crumb, we're fading here.

I just want to crawl under the covers and cry for a hundred years and then die. That's all I've got for now.

Diet Calendar Entries for 12 July 2013:
2125 kcal Fat: 115.91g | Prot: 68.42g | Carb: 205.28g.   Breakfast: Bananas, Almond Butter. Lunch: Joseph's Taboule Salad, Quinoa (Cooked), Pesto Sauce, Whole Foods Market Two-Bite Coconut Macaroons. Dinner: Sargento Natural Swiss Cheese, Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice Cream. more...
2583 kcal Activities & Exercise: Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 15 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 10 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 10 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 25 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Desk Work - 7 hours, Sitting - 4 hours. more...


{{{{{cyber-hugs}}}}} to you! So sorry you're going through such a rough time. The best advice I can think of is to spend this time taking care of yourself. Go out with your friends, and tell them that all relationship-talk is off limits for now. Tell them that you just want to spend time thinking about something positive. Go to a funny movie, or an action movie where things blow up. (Not a chick flick! :) ) Go to a park, or a zoo, or a botanical garden, or the nearest beach or lake, just to breathe in some fresh air and look at the beauty of nature. (If you don't feel comfortable in a swimsuit yet, that's okay, too -- just dress for a relaxed walk!) Remember that you are a good and wonderful person, whether or not this particular relationship works out. 
12 Jul 13 by member: Mary in LA
Oh Ce - I can feel your sadness and I'm so sorry. Try some broth; it helps me when stressed. And yes, it is hard, but if he wanted out all along, then he needs to be the one to do it. You reacting will only do the job for him and while it seems great to be 'first' you'll always wonder 'what if'.  
12 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
Thank you Mary! Sage advice, indeed. I've plans with friends all day tomorrow and a nice visit to my relaxing acupuncturist tonight. Have a lovely weekend ahead. 
12 Jul 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Thanks Bella - yes, I'm leaving it in his court for now. Just need to get through another 30 minutes at the office then I can go fall apart and have some broth... good, nurturing and comforting - and I'll think of you, which will make me feel less lonely. 
12 Jul 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Love acupuncture - have you had that treatment on the earlobe? 
12 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
oh, yeah, I've had that treatment a number of times. I go at least once a week - for years now! How lucky am I that my insurance pays 100%!!!  
12 Jul 13 by member: Sweet Ce
That is lucky. I used to get it weekly too but paid private. We don't have one local - I miss it. Yep, go fall apart, have some broth, and know you're in my thoughts. 
12 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
You have a wonderful weekend, too! Hug your friends a lot and let them hug you back. (if you all are the huggy sort -- if not, well then, hearty handshakes all around! :) ) 
12 Jul 13 by member: Mary in LA


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