ctlss's Journal, 19 March 2013

IT IS TUESDAY....


I am definitely getting over this. I still have a bit of a cough, but I feel better than I have in a very, very long time. I didn't even realize how bad I felt until I started feeling better! Now if Dan can get better, we can get this show back on the road.

Food was pretty good, until Sunday. I did have some sweet potato chips and a few other things, but Sunday.....oh, Sunday! I did not do well dealing with Pastor Mark's departure from River Oaks. It was emotionally and physically exhausting and I gave in to the temptations to bury my emotions with sugar. Another church friend helped me with the party preparations, the shopping, and planning during the week, but there was still the set up after the services were done, plus my regular weekly preparations for the coffee, cookies, and bagel slices so we were at church from 8:30 until almost 5. Between the first service and the party set up, some friends took us out for a late breakfast. I had a nice omelet, which was right on track for low carb eating, but I also ate some (not even 1/4) of the hash browns and a slice of toast (not good...never good when I get into the carbs and gluten). Then it was over to Sams to pick up the cakes and cupcakes, and back to the church for cleaning and table set up, etc. Had some great help from the couple that took us out to eat and some of the youth. I failed miserably at the party. I spent a lot of time crying, and to top that off, I ate some cake and drank 2 cups of punch. The punch was made with regular soda, grape juice, and rainbow sherbert. Emotional eating at it's worst. Nothing but sugar...oh, add a cupcake to that list as well. As we left it was raining, and by the time we got home, it was icy. The roads were slick, with lots of cars off. We couldn't get into our road because a car had gone off and the people helping to get them out were parked in our road blocking the entrance, so we had to wait some more. By the time we got home it was 6 pm and we were exhausted!! Jacob and Annie were supposed to come over to celebrate her birthday, but the roads were just too nasty, so they stayed home. Dan made a nice roast for dinner with some sweet potatoes, celery, and carrots and I had a nice salad, so it wasn't great during the day, but I was getting right back on track. Then I had some wine....and when we went to bed, we were lying there reading and I decided that some Hershey's kisses would be good. And they were....all 15 of them! See, this is what happens when I veer off course and start using food (sugar and carbs) for comfort....I simply can't get back under control. The kisses are gone (IN THE TRASH), so no more temptation, even if I get a craving for them.

We went yesterday and found a nice deal on scallops so we got a pound ($4 a pound), a pound of shrimp ($5), and a pound of wild caught salmon fillets ($3.50). Dan made a nice seafood and fish garlic, wine, and cream sauce to cook them in, and served them over spaghetti squash for dinner last night. It was really good. I also had 4 ounces of wine with that. Need to stop drinking the wine. I really wanted some popcorn, but ate some pork rinds instead. I drank about 96 ounces of water yesterday, something else that I have been neglecting to do. So yesterday was better.

Today I have had a bratwurst with cheese, my coffee and heavy cream , and my coconut oil. I have had 32 ounces of water so far and nothing else (except the coffee).

I have decided to go back to no sweeteners and no gluten, and less than 30 net carbs a day. My body just operates better at those levels. I have pulled out all my books again and am re-reading, Atkins, Wheat Belly, and several others. Time to get this show on the road. I am also going to be sure to wear my Fitbit everyday to track my steps and at night to monitor my sleep. I am also not going to weigh until the 15th of April...this will give me a chance to reset, cleanse, and get going. I WILL also be on FS everyday, log all my foods, and do my best to journal my feelings rather than eating them. Perhaps this will motivate me a bit as well.

Sheesh, how many times must I do this before it takes hold??? I refuse to give up, but sometimes this battle is really tiring. Why must it always be such a difficult thing for me to eat the way that makes me feel good? I so want to be healthy, and even thinner, but I hate having to watch every single thing that goes into my mouth. I actually even thought that maybe I could do like Kate and just watch all my foods, eat some of everything I like, just portion control, but it just doesn't work for me. I feel like crap when I eat certain foods, so it's back to what makes me feel good.

Well, that's about all the news that's fit to print from my corner...hope all is well in yours!

TTFN!

~Stef~

Diet Calendar Entries for 19 March 2013:
1422 kcal Fat: 122.53g | Prot: 73.03g | Carb: 12.96g.   Breakfast: coconut oil, coffee, coffee, horizon heavy whipping cream, horizon heavy whipping cream, bratwurst, shredded cheese. Lunch: Stef's new and improved tuna salad. Dinner: asparagus spears, Bacon wrapped stuffed mushrooms, buttermilk, Cream Cheese and Bacon Jalepeno Poppers, green onions, celery, cucumber, chicken, lettuce. Snacks/Other: pork rinds. more...
2398 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 16 hours. more...
on diet The Primal Blueprint  

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Comments 
You go girl!!!! So glad your feeling better and yes, I'm with you, I feel much better when I keep my carbs under control. We will do this, once again, but that's ok. Hang in there sweetie and I will continue to pray for you and Dan to continue to get well. Power in prayer. HUGS:):) 
19 Mar 13 by member: LauPug1
From one emotional eater to another I fully understand. And it just doesn't seem fair to think that we'll have to eat this way for the rest of our lives. But life isn't fair so I guess we'd better get used to that fact right now. Hope you continue to feel better - physically, emotionally and spiritually.  
19 Mar 13 by member: BuffyBear
For me the key was to reverse my thoughts. It is not a punishment to avoid certain foods, it's a gift I make to myself to feel better. I watch what I eat not in order to deprive myself but to make my body function at its best. Sugar is so addictive, it is very difficult to get rid of it. And it's easy to think that we are missing so much in life by not eating sugar... You slipped on Sunday but you are already back on track, you can be proud of yourself! You're doing a great job Stef, keep it up! 
19 Mar 13 by member: barbabella
Hey Stef! Tracking will get you where you want to be .... I am with you on this. I just started 30 carbs a day too along with Buffy. We can do this. Don't beat yourself up. Comfort food is what it is .... at the time. It sure makes us feel uncomfortable after we ate it... later on .... but cleanse your mind and body. It's all going to be just fine. We both are. Love ya, lady! Hugs! 
19 Mar 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
PS... sorry you have been so sick but happy you are beginning to feel better again and know your hubby will feel better soon too. :) 
19 Mar 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
Glad you feeling better..Its no wonder you have been eating like that..you have been sick and lots of emotional things going on in your life..I do the same thing dear..Hang in there sweetie..you have been through worse and got back on track..some times life gets in the way...but your doing great..Love and Hugs...:O) 
19 Mar 13 by member: BHA
Hey there! good to see a familiar face! I'm trying to get back on this since I gained most of my weight back. Been through some hell, but its time to get back on track. my joints cant take the weight. major pain... Not tracking yet, but just casually started doing the low carb again. we'll see what happens. 
19 Mar 13 by member: barbieq13
You can do this! I think a lot of us are struggling right now. I keep thinking that maybe with the nicer weather coming around the corner it will help me. But then I watched the Biggest Loser finale last night and I thought, what am I doing?? Why am I still hanging around this number for?? Here's to moving on and losing weight my friend! 
19 Mar 13 by member: skwhite
Laurie, I am so glad to finally be feeling better. I also know that I feel better if I keep my carb counts low. Doing it is the problem, especially when I am emotionally stressed. But as you said, we will do this! Love you my friend. Thank you for the prayers, they are much appreciated. HUGS! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
Buffy, I thought that I had conquered the emotional eating, but I wonder if that is truly possible, or if we just have to be prepared to battle it when it crops up and understand that sometimes we are going to lose that battle. Life is not fair, never has been, never will be...so on and on we go! Thanks. Have a great week!  
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
Anne, thank you...I understand that in my logical, thinking brain, but my irrational, emotional brain chucks it all out the window when I am overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, hurt, and fatigue (mental, not physical). I did so well with that for over a year and half, then found myself falling back into old comfort habits, namely using sugar and carbs as a drug. And it is like a drug for me. Once started it's hard to reverse, but I did it before and I will do it again. Thanks for the support, Anne...it means a lot! Have a great week! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
Sandy, I know that, but sometimes even when tracking, I still eat things I KNOW BETTER than to eat. With the rebirth of the earth comes the opportunity for me to have a rebirth, and I am going to take it. This has got to stop, so logging, journaling, and getting back to basics is the plan. We can do this! HUGS! Have a wonderful week! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
Bren, it is just plain crazy. I sometimes feel like I have lost my mind. I just can't believe how horrid I have been feeling, and not even realizing just how bad I felt. This happens with my Lupus as well...I don't realize how rotten I have been feeling until the flare eases off, then it's as if I am in a whole new world...one without pain, fatigue, and brain fog. Thanks my sweet sister/friend for being here for me. Love you....hugs! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
Barbie, glad to see you back. I have been struggling as well, so I understand...now it's time to get my rear in gear and get back to what makes me feel good. The weight loss is a bonus! Have a great week! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss
sk, sometimes it feels like I have been stuck here forever...I sure have been fighting weight problems for most of my life, and it stinks. But that is my life...I need to learn to deal with it and get on about the business of doing what is best for my health. It isn't the way I would like it to be, but it is what it is, so time to get busy again. Now if I can just remember where I put my motivation......Have a great week! 
20 Mar 13 by member: ctlss

     
 

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