wichitaks's Journal, 11 February 2013

I am an emotional eater. I am REALLY an emotional eater.
WHY do I do this???
SO yesterday my grandma (who lives about an hour and a half away from Wichita) was transported by ambulance to a larger hospital here. She is having some significant internal bleeding and they can not figure out where it is coming from. She has an amazing team of Doctors and WONDERFUL nurses. But even with the wonderful people around here I am frustrated, and emotional, so I eat and I want to eat bad food. Yesterday I had a protein bar for breakfast, a pack of crackers and 1/2 a cheeseburger for lunch at about 11:30. I left the hospital after about 9 hours because I was going nuts and grandma was finally able to sleep a bit so at 4:30 I drove home and got taco bell on my way home. Healthy absolutely NOT but it was so good. I took a little nap then was going to go back up to the hospital but everyone left because she had to be sedated for a test and she was pretty out of it and just sleeping. So instead I went to a friends house and had 2 glasses of wine and girl talk. I love my husband to death but there is something about girl time that is really healing to the soul.
I got home way to late and took a shower. Then made popcorn. Why I made popcorn at 11:30 at night I don't know. I didn't need it. thinking back now I really didn't even want it necessarily but it felt like the thing to do My brain was so fried that I did it without even thinking. I did start thinking about half way through and dumped the rest out but what makes me do that in the first place?
I fell asleep about 2, then woke up about 3:30, then 4:30, then 5:15 at 5:30 I got frustrated got up and went ahead to the hospital to spend time with her before work. I am now at my office and can not concentrate on doing actual work.
Because i sat in the chair next to her holding her hand for so many hours yesterday on top of going a little crazy cleaning my bathroom on saturday my back is killing me. So on top of sleep deprived and emotional I am also hurting. I feel like a hot mess. I can not focus, my brain is on overload without time to decompress. I am really hoping that the Doctors find out something soon.
This morning i left the house without grabbing my boiled eggs. (which are sitting out on the counter so they get thrown away when I get home :( so I stopped by sonic between the hospital and the office and got a Jr breakfast burrito. That is better than a full one but I am hungry again already. I have leftover Chipotle for lunch from Friday that I am going to have. I really want a chili cheese cony from Sonic, Or chinese food lemon chicken with fried rice and an egg roll, Or a Wendys fried chicken sandwich. Really i just want junk food. My logical side is telling me I don't need it but my emotional side is saying it wants comfort food.
I will have the other half of my chipotle and be happy.

I hope you all had a better weekend than I did and I hope the week improves and the doctors find what is going on and are able to fix it.

Diet Calendar Entry for 11 February 2013:
818 kcal Fat: 40.30g | Prot: 41.00g | Carb: 76.00g.   Breakfast: Jr. Breakfast Burrito. Dinner: Grilled Chicken Sandwich (No Mayo), Tater Tots (Regular). more...
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Well, I warmed up chipotle for lunch the second bite I had a bite of chicken and it had a big bone in it. Now my tooth hurts and my stomach is flipping. On the good side I threw it out so very low cal for lunch (I wonder how many calories two bites of chipotle are LOL) 
11 Feb 13 by member: wichitaks
Sorry its so hard! I have felt the exact same way, I wish I knew why. But I can say, how do you feel after the bad food/fried chicken? Better or worse? Comforted or not. You did well at lunch, Hang in there, i hope you get a few days where you can get the extra out of your system and start to feel better. Hug, hang in there.  
12 Feb 13 by member: Lizzygracemusic
Hang in there, some days are easier than others. I hope your grandmother feels better soon. Take Care of Yourself!  
12 Feb 13 by member: UK cats

     
 

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