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amandawl's Journal, 14 January 2013
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Feeling super lazy when I enter my weekend food and exercise and have nothing significant to contribute to the exercise diary. It seems a bit off though because I know I have 4 hours of sex to put in there, I just can't seem to decide what to classify that as. I know it was more strenuous for me than walking so I burned calories.
I don't know what I was thinking eating veggie chips while out with my mother. I know better than to skip lunch and overeat junkfood. Being happy with my progress and fitting into size 10s easily is making it too easy for me to be less strict with myself.
I love my boyfriend but this loving me as I am and telling me that I'm beautiful is messing with my determination to get down to a small size. I know that it shouldn't because the reverse treatment only ever made me gain weight. My ex used to tell me constantly that I was too fat and I should lose weight, all it served to do was to cause me to develop unhealthy eating habits like sneaking food at odd times or eating unhealthy take out. When he left me for a model and told me to call him when I lost all my weight I went into a tailspin and gained 40lbs.
When I first met my current boyfriend, I wanted so badly to get into a healthy shape to deserve to be with someone so brilliant. I can't seem to wrap my head around being with someone amazing and deserving that love and respect even though I'm not a perfect size. I'm starting to feel shallow and foolish for wanting to be a size two. I may have started this weight loss journey with attracting the attention of a man in mind but now that I have his attention I know that it was really about looking my best and finally feeling attractive. I suppose now I'm just stuck on the idea that it will never matter what weight I am, I will always feel like the fat one.
I'm not in a rut, I haven't plateaued, I have made exercise an enjoyable habit, so why is the mental aspect of weight loss so challenging.
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 January 2013:
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1176 kcal
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Fat: 34.57g | Prot: 39.80g | Carb: 174.91g.
Breakfast: english muffin, Coffee with Cream and Sugar, imperial cheese. Lunch: diet coke, veggie chips. Dinner: rye bread, salad, pastrami. more...
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2135 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Shopping - 2 hours, Resting - 14 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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