unity1234's Journal, 09 September 2023

you got this 👍  

Thank you, otb... I started drinking at 16 as a form of escape. I tend to want a drink when I'm afraid. But the fears are subtle ones.... not overt threats, more like fear of not being enough... like just being myself is inadequate somehow... 

because I essentially 'grew up' drinking, I never learned many other forms of coping mechanisms. I also did not learn to acknowledge the thoughts and feelings I had because I was always burying them under alcohol and drugs... 

I hear you on all of that! Very familiar  

So I spent 30 years either burying feelings (I made it to cocaine before reigning it in, managed to steer clear of heroin but only just, or I was essentially people pleasing, seeking value or a sense of self-worth through the approvals of others. 

My ability to be honest with myself about what I like and don't like is severely limited. I am improving, though, by noticing, allowing, and accepting how I really feel about anything. 

I gave up alcohol 7 years ago and over that time I have dropped 60 pounds. More than the 7 calories per g.,it made me crave pizza. I don’t miss it now. 

Controlling food intake and my body has become a coping mechanism of sorts... not drinking is my statement of bravery. Of faith in myself. Of me allowing me to experience myself as someone who is enough in and of herself.  

My grandpa gave me beer when I was 6 months old and I always drank until I was in my 30s, decades ago. I was never an alcoholic but had quite a tolerance for beer. I tended to drink more than eat so I was thin. I grew tired of the club/bar atmosphere. I felt like it kept me from growing up. There were people in the clubs that were my dad's age, grandfather's age, men and women both. The same people were there every day, day after day, like me. I didn't want to grow old there. I wanted more out of life.  

Mike in NC, that is so awesome! Typically, I can wriggle through my own emotions surrounding alcohol but block parties combine two triggers. I'm introverted and alcohol was my way of 'apologizing' for it. A party on my block means I either don't participate at all (and seem anti-social) or I admit to the world that I'm literally happier sitting on my own stoop and socializing just a tiny bit (and seem anti-social) lol either way people's perceptions will be what they will. I know who I am. 

Morti, yes! This is very true for me. My emotional tools didn't develop as quickly as others who were not steeped in escapism... I have stopped drinking a few times and then I will convince myself I can have just one glass of wine; and I can. I can have just one glass of wine. I always want more but I can stop at one. The deciding factor is in my thoughts surrounding escape. I use alcohol... I use it more than I enjoy it, and the difference is painfully subtle for me.  

We share some of the same emotions over socializing. I also do the back and forth over wine at home except never been able to balance having just one glass.  

It seems to me that you have very eloquently answered your own question. You can always fill a glass with sparkling water and mingle without the wine. 

I hardly ever drink, I do have some little sweet treat every sfternoon..I count it in my calories. 

Ultimately wine is a toxin , your choice is optimal for your overall quality of life. So many of us are forgoing all types of toxins in our diets so anyone who you’re socializing with that doesn’t realize this is a little behind our times. Literally none of us should be judging one another for trying healthier life choices. It doesn’t mean theirs are in question, unless they themselves question them… right? 

Dear brave friend, YOU ARE ENOUGH! Hugs  

Wine. The calories aren't worth it. 

I recently listened to a podcast with a brain scientist who said that in a decade or so people will look at alcohol the way we now look at cigarettes. I doubt that the change will come as quickly or maybe never (alcohol in socializing is not going to be easy to let go of), but what a huge change that would be. 

I can’t have just one. So, I don’t drink unless it’s a special occasion. I did drink on the 4th of July and I definitely drank more than one! I knew I wanted to drink more than one and occasionally, for me, it’s ok. However, on a daily basis, it no longer serves my health journey to drink alcohol. 

Honee, I just don't enjoy loud, crowded environments. They make me feel panicked. And by 'crowded' I mean more than 3 lol. I am very content to sit on my stoop and enjoy from afar. I am the ultimate introvert! I love one on one or two on one conversations. I can handle 3 and me. After that I start to feel overwhelmed. 💙 and that is ok about you and I💙