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03 March 2017

Have you ever thought you were in pretty good shape only to discover that no.. no you're not. You're in horrible shape. I can lift bags of feed, workout on the elliptical for hours, run through fields after tiny humans, run up the stairs at work when I'm late for a meeting.. in heels, and yeah.. I'm overweight but I'm not a slouch. I have muscles.. I just hide them well.

At least that's what I thought. Then a friend sent me the link to kilted yoga and I was impressed. Not just by the guys in the kilts which is why she sent it to me but by the ability to twist yourself into a pretzel and then support it all with one hand. That is seriously impressive! And kinda hot when a guy in a kilt does it. Heck a guy not in a kilt doing that would probably be equally as hot.. just sayin. Not that I want to be a guy in a kilt but I did think it would be a nice to have a someday maybe goal to be able to do that myself.. minus the kilt but just as high on the fitness level.

Then I talked to myself, like I seem to do more and more these days, and convinced myself that I should totally check out yoga. It could help with that whole trying to find peace thing. I could switch up my elliptical, milking cows, exercise bike routine. I could love it. I got some suggestions... and quickly discovered....

I have the flexibility of a large stick.

So yes.. I think yoga will be a good thing for me. Minus the kilt.. unless of course I can find my own personal kilt wearing yoga teacher that lets me workout in sweats and a t-shirt that's so old it's a wonder it stays in one piece. I just have to find a place and a time I can do this without tiny humans crawling under me and giant furry dogs sitting on me. One of them farted but I'm not sure which. I suspected the boxer but he just looked pathetic and gave me puppy eyes.

02 March 2017

If your glasses lift off your nose every time you smile does that mean your face is too fluffy? Since I can't seem to remember where I put anything I have lost a couple.. or a few, ok maybe a couple.. sets of glasses. Seriously.. they have to be in the house or at work somewhere. I just can't find them at this moment. Or several months of moments depending on who you ask. So I ordered some new cheap ones from Zenni Optical. Now everytime I smile my glasses lift off my nose. So now I'm self conscious my face is too fat. Granted... it is fluffier than it once was. Today's motivation is to lose face fat.

I'm still logging food. Today I slept through my alarm so after a mad dash to send clothed children out the door I didn't have time to eat breakfast or pack my lunch. I packed everyone else's lunch just not mine. So today's menu is brought to you by places I passed on the way to work and the very strange new cafeteria that is downstairs. All in all.. I'm not doing THAT bad. The girl in the office next to me is doing the Whole30. She wanted to know why I was eating the flatbread in my flatbread sandwich. Because.. otherwise I have to hold an egg and sausage in my bare hands and then well.. my keyboard gets all gunky and then the IT guys give me the side eye. She has been on the Whole30 for 2 weeks and lost 8 lbs. I said sounds interesting.. I should try that.. which she took to mean I was trying it. So now she is giving me the side eye.

It does seem to be a thing lately where everyone and their brother is offering me diet advice.. or pills.. or letting me know about the latest fitness deal. I'm not sure if this means I complain too much about wardrobe malfunctions, broccoli farts, and my attempts to workout or maybe everyone is on the bikini season is around the corner craze. I think I'm going to putter around in my own little circular world of logging and avoiding processed crap until I see if the 8 lb loss sticks and she stops talking non-stop about toast. Seriously.. that woman really wants toast. I don't even like toast and she's making it sound good.

01 March 2017

Weigh-in: 208.1 lb lost so far: 7.7 lb still to go: 58.1 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 0.4 lb a week

28 February 2017

Should someone be worried if someone goes to the doctor and at the end of the visit the doctor is all.. "now normally I hate to recommend these things but maybe you should look into this drug...." And that drug turns out to be a weight loss pill that also treats depression?? Maybe I shouldn't have shared the fact that dairy farms are full of poop and there is a rumor that the boys will in fact throw the poop at one another because it's expected, or that the kids tried to lock each other in my kitchen cabinets because terrified screams are entertainment, or that the teenager has become a creature from mars who is cute and cuddly one minute then demands my death the next, or that my job thinks I'm actually 10 people but I'm really only 1 and sometimes I think about napping under my desk and no.. I try to eat healthy but rice crispies keep jumping into my mouth because the 2 yr old asks for them.. demands them really and NEVER eats them. She did ask how I was doing...

A part of me is like. No.. no no no. Absolutely not. Put your big girl panties on. Get a new fitbit because you like gadgets and get that crap done. Another part of me is like... happy pill!?!?!!? Happy pill that also stops me from wanting to eat my way through food land?? Oh yes please.. sign me up. So now I have two dueling personalities debating in my head and it's exhausting. I want to take a nap under my desk.

So now.. I'm waiting on blood results, logging food, dedicating myself to getting my crap in line.. because lets face it.. crap that's scattered all over the place is easily stepped in. Googling the advantages of the Fitbit 2... Googling Contrave... And rewatching a video of kilted yoga on youtube because.. that crap is relaxing. Guys probably won't find it relaxing but women will.. Totally not safe for work. I kinda want to try yoga now.. Can someone in a kilt come to my house and teach me yoga?? Seriously if you're easily offended don't look. If you're easily amused and like seriously fit guys in kilts doing yoga.. look. Look now.

27 February 2017

Today is the first day of logging my food.. religiously. It's kind of like a little food confessional. I used to do it on Myfitnesspal but no one could see my log so the shame of eating 4 rice crispie treats just wasn't there. I attempted to start logging a couple days ago but then I ate 4 rice crispie treats... and some fruit snacks... and maybe some other items the 2 yr old said he was hungry for when he saw me with them then decided he didn't want to eat them so I ended up eating twice as many as I originally intended because well.. once the rice crispie package is opened there is no going back... there just isn't. Someone with willpower may object but the crispie agrees with me.

Today is also a "lets go to the doctor and see if all this weight gain/non weightloss can be blamed on anything but rice crispie treats" kinda day. Appointment is at 1:30.. after I've eaten and they demand I be clothed for the weigh in. I offered to video tape my early morning naked/pre food weigh in but they declined. They suck. I'm kind of nervous. Both because I haven't been in 2 years, I'm probably 30 lbs heavier than I was then, and because today is the start of my healthy eating because I'm logging all this crap start to logging food.. here.. for all of you to gasp at. Or snicker. I would snicker. And possibly laugh. I ate a giant bag of kale salad... I'm probably going to get the farts as I wait for a half hour for the doctor to show up in the exam room.. just sayin. With my luck and special abilities.. this is probably a 60/40 kinda chance.

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