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14 May 2015

Day 3 of being mindful. Something strange has happened. I bought snacks for the week like I usually do and I put them in my desk at work like I usually do.. and.. they're still there. This is odd. Normally the bag of almonds would have been toast by yesterday. The berries in the fridge? HA! They would have been gone an hour later. This whole mindfulness is kind of like brainwashing. I washed my brain and now it's stopped demanding I feed it mass quantities every other hour. Strange right?? Apparently this is what people with some sort of resistance to food go through.

Also.. the drinking more water thing is also still going strong and I don't feel like I'm floating away like I would have been if I said. "Self.. you need to drink 8 glasses of water a day." I'm probably drinking more than that but I'm not floating. I'm also not counting. Between not counting calories, not tracking water, and not weighing myself I'm not sure if I know what to do. I really want to peak at the scale though. Being more self aware is just making me more aware that my gut isn't sticking out at much.

So as my coworker in crime likes to say.. The Shakra Crap is working. Maybe there is some sort of embedded hypnosis in the audio book... Or maybe I'm not losing any weight which is why this all seems way too easy and strange.. and maybe I fell asleep meditating and I'm still on Day 1 and all this is a dream. Also a strong possibility.

I will experiment more with the shakra crap and let you know. I finished the audio book in 3 days so I'm going back to listen to it again. It's a library book because well.. I'm cheap and I have it for 11 more days. Maybe I will get something else out of it.. like chanting voices and infomercials in the background.

Yup.. I'm sippin the coolaid. :) Freaky.

13 May 2015

WARNING: HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE Because I talk about things that don't involve calories or squats. Although.. I did eat calories and I did do squats. The warning is just for anyone who may stumble upon my random mind wander and find it inappropriate because well.. it's about me.

Being mindful.. seems to be working. At least I think it's working. I also pledged to not weigh myself during the first 30 days to listen to what my body tells me and not what the scale snarkily declares. That being said. I feel better. I feel lighter. My stomach doesn't seem as bloated. I also drink huge quantities of water when I actually tune in and realize I'm thirsty. Which is another sign I think it's working.

Here's what I'm doing. 1. Being mindful of when I'm actually hungry vs eating. Eating natural foods that are good for me and savoring it as I eat. That means no processed sugar or poptarts.. or waffles.. I'm savoring the food I do eat and eating slowly until I'm not hungry. Not necessarily full but satisfied. And best of all.. not counting the calories because apparently my body will want to be at a healthy weight if I just listen to it and feed it well. Makes sense right? 2. I'm meditating 2-3 times a day using the Calm App. Which quite frankly is relaxing. 3. I'm keeping a daily log or anything that might have happened to derail me or cause me stress.

Day 1.. my kids stress me. I love them. I love them to pieces. But 3 excited chipmunk voices all talking at the same time demanding things is stressful. Ok.. the third voice is just a squeal demanding to be picked up but it's still added to the 3 voices at once. Realizing it an accepting it for what it is actually helped me deal with it. I didn't eat and I was so calm it scared the kids into shutting up. Crap.. mom's quiet.. something is up!! Deep breath, calm voice, smile.. = terrified children.

Day 2.. mindful eating at dinner. I didn't overeat. I took what I wanted. Left what was left on my plate when I was full.. then watched hubby finish his share, what was left of mine, and go back at 10pm for more. Then suffer through the rest of the night. I probably would have eaten more and saved him but the whole mindful thing left him to his own undoing. At least I can take it as a compliment I cooked a good dinner that was tasty enough to inflict suffering. At least I think that's a compliment. Plus watching him suffer makes me realize.. crap I used to do that.. Why did I do that??

I'm all very calm and zen and crap. I don't feel I'm doing this journal inappropriate justice. So.. potty potty, fart fart, cow's that are pooping and cough are dangerous. That is all. Oh wait.. almost forgot. Kid not potty trained and he thinks the potty is attempting to steal his stuff.

11 May 2015

It's official. I will be giving little man's future wife a box of diapers as a wedding gift. The kid is stubborn. Bribery isn't working, book reading on the tiolet isn't working, heck we hooked it up so he could watch his favorite cartoon in there and he still doesn't want to go. Sticker chart?? HAHAHAHAHA!! No. It's going to be a long fun summer at this point. Maybe the sitter will have more luck that I am since there are other kids his same age also going potty.

Eating? I'm doing remarkable today. I'm in food Zen. I'm listening to Deepak Chopra's book "What are you hungry for?" He's into all clean eating, listening to your body, and limiting bacon... I don't agree to the bacon idea but the rest is helpful. The tips on mindful eating are helpful. I used them while I was eating my bacon this morning and managed to only eat half my omlette because I realized it was kind of greasy and well I was full. It's amazing what eating slowly and not on auto pilot can do. Right now I'm being mindful that my current craving for chocolate cake was actually lack of sleep. The only drawback is how to you log a veggie omlete 6 bites from completion? Maybe I should just practice being mindful and not worry about it right now. Especially since if I follow the food recommendations minus the bacon nothing will have a barcode.

Logging + Barcodes = super convenient!! Also not very healthy... I'm sensing a trap here. I will go nap and think about it in the lactation room. Plus all this mindful thinking is giving me gas and the lactation room has a limited about of soundproofing.. Yup.

08 May 2015

Yesterday was a high calorie day but I'm prepared for this weekend to be so much better. I'm also got alot of motivation behind me. I downloaded Deepak Chopras audio book on eating. I loved his meditation series so maybe his audio book will wake me up. I reserved a book at the library about some weight loss story. Kind of like the one I'm playing around with so I can see if they are in fact motivating. I figure I can read while I'm on the elliptical and listen to the book in the car.. or on the tractor.. or.. well I don't know when but it will give me something to listen to.

I realized last night that alot of what I was doing when I lost weight last time was tons of research. Reading food conspiracy books, watching the guy that goes to mcdonalds for every meal, reading supermodel books on how they stay slim and rolling my eyes.. Good or bad advice I was reading it. I was looking for tips, exercises, playing on other sites.. I think if I start doing that again I will see some new and improved motivation.. not just fat pants motivation but ooooh.. so that's what's in a twinkie motivation. Yup. That's my plan.

Potty training took a trial run last night for a grand total of 27 minutes. It would have been longer but the hubby took a blower to an auction and it got a flat tire. So.. we drove an hour there and an hour back with both boys to fix the flat. For the small amount of time Little Man was in the undies.. I think it went well. He helps patting his butt and doing some sort of hip thrust dancy move while watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I tried to explain we needed to go potty on the potty seat but he just looked at me like I was speaking another language and then asked for a cookie.. Maybe he will get it when he's standing in a puddle. Then daddy came in and said.. "You want to go?" to which little man responded with "Daddy! Daddy! Look!" and then did his best Magic Mike dance moves fully clothed. And so... he learned what a pull up was and we went to go play with farm equipment and tested every tractor seat in the lot. Its a good thing we didn't test spiderman strength undies.. and all was happy so we got pizza at 9pm on the ride home because I refused to cook. I know have pizza sauce on my backseat windows.

Workout tonight.. remove pizza sauce.

07 May 2015

Let the insanity begin! And possibly the drinking.. This may require drinking. Today at lunchtime I bought superman, spiderman, AND minion undies! Not for me.. for little man. Since everyone but his little brother at the new daycare is potty trained we (the sitter and I) decided it was probably past time to start. Plus he has another little boy the exact same age as him at this daycare so we're hoping that being one of the guys will help motivate this. Personally I'm kind of jealous of the minion undies. I want minion undies. Motivation of the day!!! Lose enough weight to wear minion undies... if I take two pair and sew them together they could fit some day. Although then the minions will be twice as wide... Anyways..

Diet advice of the day.. if you're confident and you love yourself you can do whatever you put your mind to. So this got me thinking.. when I was most successful I bought new clothes, did my hair, didn't wonder what the sticky substance was on my foot, and.. I thought I kicked butt. I need to get that back. Also this weekend in addition to chasing the little man while he pees through the house is accepting me. Getting some sun. Painting my toe nails. Heck I might go wild and shave my legs if I can get into the shower alone. Maybe with a little pampering and a little self acceptance and a little less negative head talk I will get my mojo back. If not.. well then I will be able to wear capris and flip flops again.

And now.. I nap. Soccer practice is kicking my butt. We get home at 8. Hubby and I eat dinner while the kids unwind. I clean up around the house and then I go into a coma. Hopefully the boys get into the new groove soon so I can be one of those lazy parents that sits in their lawn chair... head thrown back.. gut sticking out.. butt squishing out the side.. Nevermind I will chase the boys in my capris with shaved legs and cute toe nails and drink more coffee the next day.

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