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14 August 2016

If I could sweat away calories I would be a size 6 right now. This weekend has been the town fair. Between the preteen and the boys that has meant a lot of driving back and forth and standing in the sun.. sweating. I haven't done to horribly though. One ice cream and one lemonade. I still have tonight to go but I haven't had any of the horrible options like fried dough or cotton candy or well.. anything else horrible.

Monday I am going to be extra good to attempt to keep this journey on the right track. I figure a few days of zero sugar and no processed carbs and I will be back to my old not as many craving attacks... I can hope. Ok tell me if this is weird. ESPN has a naked Olympians article. Yes I looked. I looked several times. lol There isn't obvious hell nudity shots but there is definitely a showcase of muscles. I have found my ideal body. It's a boxer's body. If it wasn't weird I would have cut the picture out and pasted it to the refrigerator. I don't think the husband would have minded. I'm currently resisting the odd urge for the sake of the preteens and having to explain it to her friends when they come over.

Now.. I have to go convince a 4 yr old.. I'm the boss. Not him. Me. Because when typing on a computer it never fails that a child will try to convince me of something.. like having an extra popsicle when they have already has a couple today and they were told.. last one. On the last one. But he's good and it threw the wrapper that is currently under the table away.. I will not eat cookies, I will not eat cookies, I will not eat cookies. I will have a boxers body. I will have a boxers body. Now a 2 yr old is humping my leg because he wants to be picked up.. Is this normal??

11 August 2016

Dear Self,

Stop being an A-hole and get with the program. Zebra cakes have zero nutritional value and no.. they are not a "morning pick me up". We will not "start over tomorrow". We will not put off exercise because we are "busy" with the kids, cows, sleep, housework, or freaking out over what we ate today. Again.. zebra cakes have no nutritional value don't even think about looking at the box to justify them.

We were in shape once. We will get there again. Yes we are a shape now and that shape is round but that's not what I was talking about and you know it. Stop being a butthead. We treated our body well once. There was a time when a zebra cake was looked at with the disgust that it deserves. Yes it deserves it. Stop looking at me like that. No we should not eat them all to get it over with. The children have been raised to sniff these things out and either eat them or take a bite and promptly throw them to the ground where they expect the dog to eat them. Zebra cakes are dog food.

Stress is not an excuse to eat. Life is tough and you're no cupcake. We need to lose the muffin top so that statement is more believable.

In conclusion, Self get your crap together.

Thank you,
Your butt, muffin top, front butt, ankles, and the buff chick living inside you that is getting ready to kick your butt if you eat another zebra cake

09 August 2016

Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought "I wonder if he's ready for a divorce yet." That happened tonight. And then Ben and Jerry completed their journey to cheer me up. Ben and Jerry have officially left the building. The husband and I.. eh.. we're not really on speaking terms. He's stressed over the farm and the drop in dairy prices and bills. I'm just plain stressed. Two stressed out people plus 3 screaming kids just adds to more screaming. Especially when one of the kids smashes another kids hand in the door on purpose because he doesn't want him to go to the outside. Then one parent yells at the child and drags them screaming to time out while the other parent (points to the husband) demands to know. "WHAT NOW??" Yup.. did not go over well.. for anyone. Then one parent (points to the husband) walks dramatically to the barn. Uh huh.. then Ben and Jerry appeared and the thought popped into my head.

It is remarkably quiet in the house now. I passed on the meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I figure Ben or Jerry were more than enough let alone both of them. Then I cleaned the house like a mad woman... and now the husband is walking back and forth sighing... I think a kid got mashed potatoes on him.

Starting right now all of this has got to get better or I'm going to start learning to knit so I can make us all straight jackets. On the plus side a knitted straight jacket would be fuzzy and soft and I wouldn't be able to put any more Ben and Jerry's in my pie hole.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Both for my diet, my nerves, and hopefully my marriage.

09 August 2016

06 August 2016

I have a pain in my butt. I think it's a muscle but I'm not positive. I'm going to believe it's a muscle because it makes me feel better about my butt.

So far so good this weekend. Eating is good. Not excellent but still goodish. Exercise is up there. I have a secret.. you get your kid a child size john deere gater that cannot support your weight. Then you say "Come on kids lets go check the cows!" Then they drive down the kill going over the posted 3 mph and head into the hay field that borders the pasture field.. while you yell.. Wait!! Wait!! SLOOOOOOW DOWN!!! YOUR DEAD MEAT!!!! As they go.. past the cows.. and head towards the swamp. We have a stream in the back of the property that is all overgrown so the husband calls it the swamp. The kids looove the swamp. So do the dogs. Who currently reek of swamp water. So as I jog.. yes I jogged. I never jog. I'm convinced something will jiggle in some way and I will injure myself.

I finally catch them and literally pick the 4 yrs old off the gater and place him firmly several feet from the gator where.. he promptly pees his pants. Not because he finds me that scary.. because apparently the mad dash to the swamp was also a mad dash to the tree line because he had to pee. Peeing in the middle of a hay field is a huge no no. At least it apparently is today. Mind you this kid would pee facing the highway so I'm not exactly sure what's bad about a hay field that is over a mile from the road. Well now he can't ride because his pants are wet. He can't drive naked either because then gasp he would be naked on the gater. Another no no I just learned about.

In my genius mind I decided the 2 yr old wears a diaper the 4 yr old can have his pants and he can run around in his diaper. Genius right???? Wrong. The 2 yr old who I can barely keep clothing on now needs all of his clothing. Thank god for cell phones, a preteen who is constantly on hers, and her sudden willingness to run into a hay field with shorts. Oh but wait!! The field has feathers in it from all the pigeons that appear out of who knows where. *smacking head* Exercise? Check. And now I go off to milk cows where I will get more exercise.

That scale better freaking move when I finally weigh in.

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