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18 June 2018

I keep going back and forth between being SUPER motivated to wanting pie then back to SUPER motivated then wondering how I can stay super motivated and eat lots of pie..

I decided to revive the blog Huh... I wonder if Fatsecret will change that into something random. It does changes it into something random doesn't is? When you can't tell what that just said it means Fatsecret turned it into something random.

I wrote last time about this being Chapter 2 of my life. The kids are self containing for very short periods of time. Anything over 30 minutes and they seem to try to kill one another or figure any additional time after that means they can do whatever they want. Since the boys are boys that appears to include doing dumb things with tools, tractors, or food... Seriously.. why can't they get the jello into their mouths? It's a tiny cup of jello. It's almost like they don't know where their mouth is so they leave plops of jello in a trail from the kitchen to 6 inches in front of the tv. I suppose I should be grateful the jello isn't on the tv.

Wait.. sorry I got sidetracked by the plops of jello on my freshly mopped floors. Chapter 2 of my life AKA the midlife crisis. Finding me, discovering who I am and what I like, facing fears and overcoming them, ... I have no clue what else one does in this stage of life. I think they struggle to keep their sanity or in my case. I struggle to keep pie from my face and I complain about things hurting a lot. Man... I haven't even hit 40 yet. Life is gonna be rough if I don't make some serious changes. Like finding things I enjoy and avoiding pie so I stop carrying around all this extra weight.

I know I know.. I keep saying this is it!!!! Yeah.. I'm still saying it. I'm posting on Instagram.. I'm still trying to write.. I'm still trying to keep my head above water. I still weigh the same freaking amount. Maybe if I keep telling myself this is it! One day it will be IT. Maybe..

07 June 2018

I survived another 5K! My time SUCKED but I survived and I made it to the end without flagging down any of the kids with walkie talkies or EMS guys on golf carts. I finished 3.5 miles in 1:05:15, pace 18.39 per mile. I did mention I was slow right?? I started off jogging and then walked a lot when I realized I would probably end up gasping for air on the side of the road like I fish out of water. So I walked a lot.. and jogged very sparingly in sporadic bursts of "WHY HASN"T THIS ENDED YET???"

Plus I kind of want to know if the kids were there to prevent me from turning around between the cones with flimsy caution tape connecting them or if they were there to help me? I could have totally ducked under that tape. I had a plan all worked out in my head. I could take a really long time tying my shoe..slowly inching over.. and then not run the whole thing. I didn't do this but.. I thought about it. lol

Now... I need to search for another 5K. Because apparently I like punishment? Maybe this will become a new hobby until I can actually run the whole time. Plus I increased my time since last year. I don't like that. Sure I'm 20 lbs heavier and if I remember right it's only by 5-8 minutes but still... I want to be faster not slower. There is a mad cow run coming up. Maybe that is more my style. lol Plus my boss who is probably 10-15 years older than me finished in 35 minutes. So there is also that... Being competitive and out of shape is just a weird struggle.

30 May 2018

Is it bad when you can't even follow your own suggestions or rules? This explains why my kids don't listen to me. If I can't listen to me then how can I expect others to listen to me?? And why don't I listen to myself? Do I not trust myself? Do I think I'm full of crap and not a reliable source of information? Or maybe I'm just a brat and I don't like people telling me what to do even if that person is me.

I've been reading some things on gut health and why it can be difficult to lose weight even if you're working out and eating less than you burn and a lot of other things that I've already forgotten. One thing that stuck out was the fact that we spend at least 30% of our energy digesting food. If you eat regularly then that 30% can be more like 40%. Not to mention that if you're not giving your body time to digest before you eat more then it's just a never ending cycle of the body struggling to keep up. It all makes perfect sense and the advice has been around for years.

Remember the rules: don't eat after 7 or 8, only eat every 4 hours, don't snack, etc. Basically... You're not a freaking cow with 4 stomachs so stop acting like a cow and stop grazing. One body, one stomach. Don't be an A-hole to your stomach.

Simple right?? Uhuh. I started this last night. I even upped my water in an attempt to stop grazing by floating away from food. By 10 pm I wanted something. Anything. The thing is.. I don't usually eat that late. But because I told myself I wouldn't eat well then I wanted to eat. Same thing today. Don't graze?? In a cube farm?? Is this even possible? I mean really. I haven't eaten since 1pm.. it's 3:34. I've gone through cycles of anger when I opened my drawer 20 times and told myself no, grief when I realized I have LOTS of snacks in this desk, sadness when there was ice cream sundaes in the cafeteria, Anger again when I realized I can't even listen to my own freaking advice, and finally acceptance when I decided I need to leave early just to get away from the bag of almonds that is taunting me.

Seriously? WTF is my problem? I am not a cow. I will not graze. I will be kind to my stomach. I will not graze. WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY FREAKING SNACKS?!?!?!

25 May 2018

Is it weird to take pictures of your own butt? Asking for a friend.

If you've never taken a picture of your butt then please read the following:

WARNING!!! - NEVER EVER EVER EVER TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR OWN BUTT. Don't allow anyone else to take a picture of your butt either. Butt pictures may be hazardous to everything you know.

Um so.. It's not like I can see my own butt. Either I'm not flexible or well it's hard to get a good look at my own butt. Even if I try to look in a mirror I'm all twisted trying to get a picture so one butt cheek always looks bigger than another butt cheek. It's just complicated when you want to see what your own butt looks like and the amount of chair a butt takes up or the way pants fit don't always give an accurate description of a butt. Plus when you take a picture of your butt you can see other parts too...

I have been doing the transform 90 program for 4 weeks now and I've completed 3 weeks worth of workouts because I procrastinate and hit the snooze button ALOT. But I have noticed that things are getting easier and my pants still fit but they fit better. I no longer have to double check that my underwear isn't peaking out the back of my jeans when I sit down in front of people at a peewee soccer game because I don't want to be that person with their underwear sticking out when their shirt rides up like the guy in the red hanes undies who either only owns red hanes underwear or well.. you know...

My before pics only have a front and side view. There was no rear view. I decided this may be an error when judging progress. The other error was taking a picture from the rear. I now know what my butt, back, and thighs look like from behind. I'm not really impressed with any of them. Cellulite is definitely a thing. A huge thing. A huge OMG when did that happen thing. LIKE WTF!?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! thing. I feel like I've been talking to someone and picturing them as this kinda attractive smart looking got their stuff together person only to meet them and realize they only own red underwear and their shirt is 3 inches too short and their are absolutely nothing like what I pictured. My thighs have been deceiving me for years. I think. I have no clue when this happened because I've never tried to take a picture of my butt. Wait I lied I did take a picture of my butt once because I liked the bling on the pockets but even that was some weird body twist thing I did 20 times to get the smallest looking butt possible and my thighs were hidden by jeans.

OMG... I have a thigh mullet!!! It's all business in the front (smooth and muscular but also very sturdy) and in the back.. HOLY HOT MESS.

Today's plans.. to stop skimping on the workouts, have even more dedication to eat right, and somehow give everyone the warning to never try to photograph your own butt because the results may be hazardous to your own health and I have to somehow say this without seeming like a weirdo.

I wonder how often I will try to take butt pics now so I can obsess with the lack of progress that goes with getting rid of cellulite.

24 May 2018

Well.. I have been training for the 5K for... a while? 2 or 3 weeks maybe? I probably should have looked back through my journals before starting this one. Anyways. I'm pretty sure I can finish the 5K 5 minutes over what I finished it last year with zero training while avoiding the rain. I am 15 lbs heavier than I was last year so maybe this is actually good. Either way I'm training, working out, and improving my health so even if I don't beat my time I'm improving and making myself better than I was yesterday. Plus I have all summer long to find more 5Ks to improve my time with. And.. I got a treadmill ordered and it should be here Saturday so I can practice running even if it's dark, or raining, or there are tiny kids making rounds on tractors, or if there was actually a bear instead of just the whole thing in my head where I say if a bear came over the hill you would be food right now. I still have a week and a half before the 5K so maybe I can cut that 5 minutes out. Even if I don't.. I'm still pretending I can run.

Now all I have to do is get control of my eating and I could actually lose weight and get into a shape. Maybe an upside down pear. I would be ok with being an upside down pear.

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