hoosier436's Journal, 07 September 2014

I know what you mean about real life people to talk to. Everyone here is super supportive and understanding though and they honestly care. Isn't church supposed to be a place you don't have to smile and you can be broken? You're in pain. It's not a social function. Let those people help you. Me personally I'm an atheist so...  

I understand the fake smile for church. That's why I quit going. My church is working in my yard, creating a quilt, spending time with my family, sitting quietly watching the eagles soar in my back yard, making bread from the gifts of the earth.  

Is there something you can do today that you enjoy? Something that you can immerse yourself in and let your mind concentrate on just that enjoyment for awhile? I find for me that reduces stress, pulls me out of a depressive mind state. I also don't have anyone who really understands. My friend who I used to talk to about things has gotten to where she constantly tells I'm too old to do what I want go do, I should sit back and have others do things for me. No, No,No. I feel bad I tend not to talk to her very often about anything.  

I'm so sorry you felt you had to put on a fake smile to go to church. I struggle with depression and I know how hard it is to be with a group of people when I'm feeling down. Sometimes I just don't go ~ I spend time listening to praise music and praying and I feel better not having to be fake. When I feel less depressed I do my best to attend church. I'm not always up to it, but when I have been active I have gained much more than I've contributed. I know this doesn't fit for everyone, but for me it is important that I don't shut myself away from other believers for too long, hiding my hurts and what feels like an imperfection (my depression). When I am able to join in a small group or activity I build those relationships that provide for me a real live person with whom I can share my emotions. This kind of relationship helps me (to be honest and not center on myself) and helps the other person (to be compassionate and not centered on himself). I think that is why we are called to gather together, because we each bring something to help the other grow and/or heal.  

First -- do you know how astounding it is to drop 73 pounds in about 5 months? This is an incredible accomplishment. Bravo to you for fighting your way through this. Second -- I don't know where you live, but most communities have social service agencies with social workers who are available to counsel people at income-adjusted rates. Maybe because I grew up with my Mom and other relatives and friends who were social workers, I'm more open to this... but if you are looking for someone to talk to in "real life," finding a socialworker is one option. In our community, there's Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services, Jewish Federation, and many other agencies that serve all people, regardless of religious affiliation. You can call United Way to find out what agencies are funded. I hope you don't think I'm being too forward... 

Hoosier436 - get help, find someone you can talk to, I beg of you find someone a friend from childhood, that special cousin, your pastor or friend from church. There is someone in your life that knew you needed them they would be there for you. Please ask, if who you ask isn't right move on but there is someone. Depression is tough and it will do no good not to adress it. I know this sound hokey but when I was going through a tough time I committed to writting down three things that I was thankful for every day, different things. It can be as simple as hot water for your shower, your Mom is close, you have a church that trully preaches the word. Don't try to do more than three, keep it simple. Hermiones Mom was right you have come so far....don't give up. Fight the good fight friend. Fellow Hoosier, Ronda 

It's the full supermoon monday, try not snap.  

God is waiting to talk with you one on one, but he can't intervene until you speak the words into the atmosphere. People will tell you what they think, but God can go a whole lot further, he can Speak over your life and bring you through it. When you get out of your own way, God will step in. 

Know how you're feeling, my emotions have dictated my weight for most of my life. Sometimes life keeps throwing stuff at us and it's hard to keep on top of it so you put a smile on your face and keep going. I got a wake up call from my doctor a week ago, I have devoloped Type2 diabetes and he has given me 2 months to get it under control by losing weight and sticking to a diabet diet.i have to lose about 60kg all up not sure what that is in pounds. Sometimes Hoosier 436 you have to put yourself first for a little while, take one small step at a time and be kind to yourself when you have small slip ups with your weight. Or at least that is what I am going to try to do. Good luck with your journey.